"No disposable diapers for me...my body is Dioxin free!" -Saying From an Infant T-Shirt
A lot of people ask me about cloth diapering - why we are doing it, how it is going, etc. So I decided, why not write a blog post about it? (By the way, there is another more fun post coming soon on the Christmas activities that we have been up to, hopefully in the next few days). Most of you know, David and I decided very early in pregnancy to use cloth. Well, scratch that. I thought it was a good idea, and my loving and supportive husband went with it, especially after he heard my reasoning. Since Joseph was born a bit sooner than we expected and was less than 6 pounds, I couldn't cloth diaper him the first month because all of our cloth diapers were just too big for him. I had resisted buying newborn cloth diapers like I could have (which WOULD have fit him) in anticipation of him being on time and potentially being a huge baby (since I measured ahead for so long). So the first month, he wore a particular chlorine free brand of disposables (I am a HUGE OPPONENT of 99% of the disposable brands, and you'll see why as you read on). But once he hit the 7 pound mark, we hit the ground running with cloth right away (both cloth diapers and cloth wipes), and we have officially been doing it for a month now.
Why cloth? I get this question from LOTS of people. Let's face it, disposables are, well, easier, and honestly more "mainstream," so why not just go along with the norm? Well, I used to think the same thing, until I read some alarming facts. Yes, part of our reason is for financial savings and environmental benefits, but I'll get into that below. My main reason was the very scary facts I learned about traditional disposable diapers. A lot of you know that I'm not a big fan of funky chemicals anyway. I refuse to use artificial sweeteners in my coffee and I refuse to use margarine. I'd much rather use the real stuff - sugar and butter - in limited amounts. I just can't stand the disgusting junk in the other stuff. So when it comes to chemicals that may be up against my baby's skin? Well, I am SUPER picky about that. And if most parents were educated in the composition of traditional disposable diapers, I think they would be alarmed as well. One of the reasons I wanted to write this blog post was to educate parents on this information. If I can help one parent make a healthier decision for their child, then I'm happy! You see, most disposable diapers contain 3 chemicals that aren't so lovely - Dioxin, Tributyl-tin, and sodium polyacrylate. Dioxin is a toxic byproduct that results from the bleaching of the paper used to make cloth diapers. The EPA lists it as the MOST TOXIC of all cancer-related materials. MOST TOXIC. Let that sink in! It is so toxic, in fact, that MOST other countries have banned its use. And in most common disposable diapers, this chemical is right up against your baby, all day, every day. Tributyl-tin is another toxin linked to hormonal problems. And sodium polyacrylate, the gel like absorbent substance that produces those little gel-like beads seen in a lot of wet disposable diapers, has been shown to foster an environment for the growth of toxic bacteria. I believe a lot of parents choose disposables because they aren't aware of these concerns, but really, do you want these things up against your baby's delicate skin? I sure don't. Also, disposables don't "breathe" like cloth, and have been shown to increase scrotal temperatures in baby boys, leading to potential long-term damage to sperm production. We also use cloth wipes at our house, which we wash right along with the diapers. They are so amazingly soft and clean Joseph up so much better than wimpy disposable wipes. And on that topic, disposable wipes aren't full of a lot of sweetness, either. They also have dioxins, but they also include two other yucky substances - Methylisothiazolinone and Iodopropynyl butylcarbamate. The first is a preservative shown to cause chemical burns, skin irritation, and dermatitis. The second is a neurotoxin and contact irritant that was once used in, of all things, PAINT! For me, these just are not risks worth taking. These facts are what sold David on cloth as well, and for us I would say this is our primary reason for choosing cloth.
There are also tons of financial and environmental considerations. I could give you all the numbers, and I have verified them to be true in our own usage, but to avoid boring you, I'll stick with the basic underlying fact - for an average family, cloth diapering cost 1/10th of the cost of using disposables. This includes the investment in the cloth diapers, and the water/energy used to wash and dry them. Cloth diapered babies have also been shown to, on average, potty train much earlier (the feeling of wetness they feel encourages them to want to learn to use the potty to avoid that feeling), so you don't typically have to wash cloth diapers for as long as you would expect! As a stay-at-home mom, I'll do anything I can to make living under one income easier, and so for us this was a fabulous benefit. The least of my reasons for choosing cloth, but still important, is the environment. Most of you know that I tend to be pretty "green" for a "traditional conservative." David calls me his little "Republican hippy" in this respect. But seriously, disposables are CLOGGING our landfills. America goes through over 27 BILLION disposable diapers a year and, guess what, they take an average of 250-500 years to decompose. Whoa. Not cool. The manufacturing of disposables uses far more resources than the manufacturing of cloth, too. And guess what? David and I plan to have more kids, and when we do, we can use the same cloth diapers we've used on Joseph on them. And when we are done having kids? We can either turn our cloth diapers into very effective dust rags (mainly the flats and prefolds), or we can re-sell them (mainly the fitteds, pockets, all-in-twos, and all-in-ones). Cloth diapers have an excellent re-sell value! So of the SMALL amount that we did spend on them, we'll get some of that back, too!
So, have I built a compelling case yet? Well, maybe. But a lot of you want to know how cloth diapering plays out in real life. Isn't it a lot of trouble? Well, yes and no. Do you have to do some extra laundry? Yes. It is a life-ruining challenge where I sit at home all day, every day, and wash diapers non-stop? No. Honestly, once you get into a washing routine, there is nothing too it. Of course, you can only use certain detergents on cloth diapers (you can only use certain rash creams as well, so be sure to check out which ones are cloth-friendly). The wrong detergent will clog up their absorbency. I use Charlie's Soap or EcoNuts (depending on what is on sale at Whole Foods or Earth Fare - and Harris Teeter now carries Charlie's Soap, too!), and they come out so nice and clean. Sometimes there are issues of slight poop staining with cloth, but honestly, if you hang or lay them out in the sun, like our grandmothers did, the sun bleaches them right out and they look awesome. :-) The cloth wipes wash up wonderfully, too, and I've never had any staining happen on them. Basically, how often you wash depends on the size of your cloth diaper stash. I have a pretty big pile, so I really could only wash twice a week if needed. I tend to wash three times a week (Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays), just to keep staining at a minimum, but that's not a necessity. I use a standard diaper pail with a Planetwise wet bag in it. When a wet diaper comes off, it goes right in the pail. When a dirty diaper comes off, we take it to the toilet and spray out the poop with our diaper sprayer, then bring it back and put it in the pail. On laundry day, the Planetwise wet bag goes in the wash along with the diapers and wipes. Easy easy!
There's a lot of confusion among non-cloth diaperers or parents just getting into it about the types of cloth diapers. There are so many now, from primitive to advanced! When I built our stash, I made sure to get some of every single type, because different situations call for different diapers! Here is a breakdown from most "old school" the the most high tech. I have some of each and they all have merits!
1) Flats: These are as primitive and old school as it gets. These are what our grandmothers and generations before them used. Just a flat, thin square of cotton fabric. It must be folded (there are tons of types of folds) to fit and to place the thickest absorbency there you want it. I only have a few of these, but I got them because I heard they were good for day and short overnight trips (see my thoughts on traveling with cloth below). I'll confess, I just tried these earlier this week. I had been a bit intimidated. BUT, I finally dug in, learned the folds, and I am amazed at how well I like them! These require a Snappi/Pins and a cover. I'll talk more about those below. But basically, it folded up great, fit Joseph wonderfully (you can really tailor these to your baby's body), and fit under the cover beautifully. I felt so brave, because honestly, few moms I know even own a single flat because they are considered so primitive. But, so far, with my OsoCozy organic cotton flats, I'm in love!
2) Prefolds: This is the next step up. These diapers also require a Snappi/pins and cover, but they are already folded down smaller and thicker for you. So really, you just stick them on and Snappi or pin them, and place the cover over it. This is what I have the most of and, once I got the hang of it, I LOVE them!
3) Fitteds. These are like prefolds, except more tailored, with fitted legs, and Aplix (a lot like Velcro) up top instead of pins. They still require a cover. I only have a few of these, but I really like them.
4) Pockets: I did not understand the appeal of these at all before Joseph was born, but I had a few given to me by friends that I thought I would just use as a last-resort. But I have discovered why so many people like them! The diaper/cover is kind of a combo, but inside there is a pocket that you stuff with an absorbent insert. When you take it off the baby you have to reach in, grab the insert, take it out, wash insert and diaper in your next load, and then restuff. I couldn't figure out why one would go to all that extra trouble. But the beauty of these diapers is that they keep baby's bottom drier than an average cloth diaper due to moisture wicking layer. So now, I'm a fan! I use them when Joseph has bad diaper rash for a few days to help it clear up.
5) All-In-Twos: These are covers with absorbent inserts that you lay in them. So at each diaper change you can just change out the insert and use the same cover, unless the cover gets really soaked with urine, then of course you wash it, too.
6) All-In-Ones: The MOST high-tech. These are like disposables, but made out of cloth. They are the most expensive, too. Thankfully, I asked David's parents for 5 of these as baby gifts, so I love using those for busy days! They have the cover, liner, everything, all sewn together. So during changes, you put on and remove just like you would a disposable. The whole thing goes in the wash on wash day.
Like I said, the first 3 types require a cover. I have about 4 covers of each size that I rotate, and have found that to be plenty. This is what keeps the diaper from leaking through to clothes, and they come with either Aplix or snap fasteners. Also, the diaper underneath has to be fastened together if you are using flats or prefolds. For this, you can either use old fashioned diaper pins (I have some), but a cooler and safer solution is to use a Snappi. Google it, and it will make more sense. Basically, it is a t-shaped rubber device with "teeth" on each point of the T. The teeth grab the diaper fabric and hold the diaper together. I have 6 Snappis, which is way more than I will ever need, because they can go many uses before they have to be washed with warm soapy water.
I really like all of my cloth diapers so far! Different diapers come in handy for different situations. During the week, when I'm home a lot, I use flats, prefolds, and fitteds. On weekends, when we are on the go, I tend toward pockets, all-in-twos, and all-in-ones for convenience sake. I will caution those thinking about cloth - flats, prefolds, fitteds, pockets, and all-in-twos are not for those of you with a low gross-out threshold. They all require somehow touching urine and sometimes poop soaked fabric. There is no way around it. I handle, with my bare hands, urine soaked diapers all day (yes, there is some frequent hand washing that goes on here), and if this would bother you, you don't want to go with these options. Spend these extra and get the all-in-ones. But honestly, not many parents mine their own baby's urine.
Many people think cloth diapers are just for at-home, daytime use. Not so, my friend! I use cloth all day, all night, and when we go out and about. The only time Joseph gets a disposable pretty much is once a day when we go to weight him on our baby scales (it's too inconsistent to weigh him with the different weight of cloth diapers). Thus, he usually goes to bed in that disposable. But at the first nighttime diaper change, usually around 2am, I bring out the cloth again. I use them when we go out and about. I have several small wetbags (waterproof, zippable bags) that I keep in our diaper bag. For changes while we are on the go, the wet/dirty diapers go in there until we get home and can spray them out and put them in the pail.
Honestly, for Joseph, I brought chlorine-free disposables to the hospital when he was born to be used until we went home. No way was I going to let him wear the Pampers that Women's Hospital uses, which are full of the ingredients I listed at the beginning of this post (sorry, Pampers, but the truth hurts, and I don't like the junk in your diapers!). But I have known several moms that took cloth diapers and a large wet bag to the hospital so they could start cloth from day one. With our next baby, I think I will do that, too, particularly if he or she is bigger than Joseph at birth! Really, I have enough that I could easily make it the 2-3 days we would be there if I took my full stash, and I would just wash them with my first load of laundry when I got home. Actually, there is a small but growing movement out there to try to get hospitals to go back to using cloth diapers like they did in the days before disposables. I think it is a FANTASTIC idea, because then parents could get used to how cloth works before they even come home, and perhaps more would be encouraged to keep it up. Hospitals don't seem to sold on adding extra laundry staff to do the wash for these, though. Oh well, maybe one day!!! I'll keep hoping!
Also, a lot of people think you can't use cloth while travelling. Not true! A lot of my cloth mom friends use them for trips! If you have a large, zippable wet bag, and are only going to be gone a few days, then you can just store the wet/dirty diapers in there until you return home. OR, if you are going to a hotel with laundry facilities, you can wash them there! We have yet to take an overnight trip with Joseph, and I always thought that I would use my chlorine-free disposables on trips, but now I'm starting to think I'll take our cloth along. Most of the hotels we stay at in places like Myrtle Beach have laundry rooms, so why not? Worst case scenario, I'll just put them in the wet bag and wash them when we return home. Now if you are going on a long trip (more than several days) to a place with no laundry facilities, disposables may be your only option. But how often does that happen, really? I even know people who take their flats (very primitive) with them and cloth diaper when they are CAMPING, because flats can easily be hand-washed in a bucket with soapy water. If we go camping at the beach this summer, I'll let you know if I was indeed brave enough to try that. :-) I'm not counting it out as an option right now, no matter how crazy people think I am.
Anyway, this post has been far longer than I planned. To make a long story short, I'm so, so, so glad I chose cloth. I know I am doing a huge favor for Joseph's health, his future potty-training, our finances, and the environment. I hope that, by educating more parents on the use of cloth, others will make this decision, too!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Why I'm Going To Be a Stay-At-Home Mom, Part 5
Today’s post is going to be simple, short, and sweet, with just one reason to offer today as to why I’m going to be a stay-at-home mom…
It’s good for your marriage!
Before I get too far into this, I know there are going to be a host of you who disagree thoroughly with this idea. That’s okay. What I should say is, it’s good for OUR marriage.
As I have explained in several of these past posts, being a working wife has been a struggle for me in many ways. Now I WILL preface this by saying that I enjoy domestic work more than a lot of women (we will get into that in one of my future posts in this series about homemaking being fulfilling), but I have a hard time doing the quality of domestic work (housekeeping, decorating, cooking, etc) that I want when I am away from home over 40 hours a week. Because I believe my primary priority (after being a servant of the Lord) is to be a godly wife to David (and thus a “suitable helper” to him as Genesis would say), I have had a hard time feeling like I accomplish this role well as a working woman. I want to be able to cook him consistently nutritious meals. Bless his heart, he raves about my Hamburger Helper and my countless marinated chicken dishes made from store-bought marinate packets, but that’s no way to eat day in and day out! I want to be able to make, at least on occasion, delicious from-scratch dishes using fresh, healthy ingredients. I want to be able to not just decorate our home but decorate it seasonally (another post will mention my obsessive affinity for fall décor). There are so many other things. I want to make our house a welcome little haven for our family and others that come into our home. I want to provide David with a home where he can get away from his worries at the end of the word day, not come home to more worries of clutter and mess. I just don’t have time to do it in the way I want to do it while I’m working!
David does a wonderful job of appreciating me, but I see in his eyes how much he enjoys a good meal, a clean house. I see how much it helps him when I am able to make phone calls for him or meet the plumber at our house if we have a leak so that he can go on to work. Imagine how much more I could take off of his plate if I were at home full time! Not only that, but being at home and taking care of the household duties leaves my mind more free for other things – like ways to surprise David or things we can do to enrich our marriage.
I believe that David being a good provider is one of the greatest gifts I he could give me, and me being the maker of a beautiful home and a helpful wife is one of the greatest gifts I could give him, whether we have kids at home or not. I love that concept. :-)
“There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves.” –Thomas Wolfe
“Men do better when they’re taken care of by a good woman. That’s just a fact of nature.” -Laura Schlessinger
You can read my other posts from this series here:
Part 4: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_11.html
Part 3: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_10.html
Part 2: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_09.html
Part 1: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom.html
It’s good for your marriage!
Before I get too far into this, I know there are going to be a host of you who disagree thoroughly with this idea. That’s okay. What I should say is, it’s good for OUR marriage.
As I have explained in several of these past posts, being a working wife has been a struggle for me in many ways. Now I WILL preface this by saying that I enjoy domestic work more than a lot of women (we will get into that in one of my future posts in this series about homemaking being fulfilling), but I have a hard time doing the quality of domestic work (housekeeping, decorating, cooking, etc) that I want when I am away from home over 40 hours a week. Because I believe my primary priority (after being a servant of the Lord) is to be a godly wife to David (and thus a “suitable helper” to him as Genesis would say), I have had a hard time feeling like I accomplish this role well as a working woman. I want to be able to cook him consistently nutritious meals. Bless his heart, he raves about my Hamburger Helper and my countless marinated chicken dishes made from store-bought marinate packets, but that’s no way to eat day in and day out! I want to be able to make, at least on occasion, delicious from-scratch dishes using fresh, healthy ingredients. I want to be able to not just decorate our home but decorate it seasonally (another post will mention my obsessive affinity for fall décor). There are so many other things. I want to make our house a welcome little haven for our family and others that come into our home. I want to provide David with a home where he can get away from his worries at the end of the word day, not come home to more worries of clutter and mess. I just don’t have time to do it in the way I want to do it while I’m working!
David does a wonderful job of appreciating me, but I see in his eyes how much he enjoys a good meal, a clean house. I see how much it helps him when I am able to make phone calls for him or meet the plumber at our house if we have a leak so that he can go on to work. Imagine how much more I could take off of his plate if I were at home full time! Not only that, but being at home and taking care of the household duties leaves my mind more free for other things – like ways to surprise David or things we can do to enrich our marriage.
I believe that David being a good provider is one of the greatest gifts I he could give me, and me being the maker of a beautiful home and a helpful wife is one of the greatest gifts I could give him, whether we have kids at home or not. I love that concept. :-)
“There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves.” –Thomas Wolfe
“Men do better when they’re taken care of by a good woman. That’s just a fact of nature.” -Laura Schlessinger
You can read my other posts from this series here:
Part 4: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_11.html
Part 3: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_10.html
Part 2: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_09.html
Part 1: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom.html
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Why I'm Going To Be a Stay-At-Home Mom, Part 4
A couple of more reasons to share with you today for why David and I have made the decision for me to be a stay-at-home-mom…
I don’t believe that you can “have it all.”
I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this, and that’s totally okay, but, contrary to what culture pushes us to believe, I do NOT think that women can “have it all” by being working mothers. Sure, you can work 40 hours (or more) a week and then come home and still cook an amazing dinner and be an incredible mother and wife while you are at home in the evenings and weekends (I myself am not even talented enough to cook a good dinner some days after work even without the addition of children, but that’s my own shortcoming, lol). I guess the way I see it is that something has to give. I don’t see a way that I personally could be totally committed to my family and totally committed to my career at the same time. I know my own personality, and if I were to try I would spend my time at each place worrying about the other place. While at work, I’d worry about my home and kids and wonder what I was missing by not being there, but when I was with them I would let the inevitable thoughts of what more I needed to be doing at the office creep into my mind.
To be honest, being a working wife has been a struggle for me (again, David was fully supportive of me being a stay-at-home wife long before we were pregnant, it was I that decided for income/savings reasons to keep working). I do firmly believe that my priorities should be God, followed by marriage, followed by children, followed by extended family, career, and everything else. While I love my job, in many ways it caused me not to have the type of commitment to being a wife that I wanted to have. I wanted to be at home, focused on what David needed and the type of home I could be making for us. The result of not doing it? Frustration. Sometimes tears. Feeling like I couldn’t be the type of wife I wanted to be while being at an outside job 40 hours a week. If I felt this just as a married woman, I don’t believe I could handle it with small, totally dependent children.
I know many of my friends who are working mothers love their jobs too much to give them up, but they also have admitted to me that they sometime struggle with guilt over not being with their children. But then when they are with their children they struggle with guilt that they didn’t put in that extra hour or overtime or didn’t finish that big presentation by the day they had planned to finish it. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Too much on a plate and it’s hard to know how to manage your time. I’m not saying it can’t be done – maybe it can - but I’m saying I can’t do it. I don’t even want to try.
Making the choice to stay at home is making the choice (at the same time) to be 100% family focused and 0% career focused (at least for a period of time). That’s not okay with some, but it’s more than okay with me. I just don’t want the struggle with fitting everything in, and, if it came right down to it, I’d 100 times rather invest full time in my husband, children, and home and neglect and outside-the-home career as a result (again, this makes me very unpopular in today’s society, I know!) I know I tend to go kind of “quote crazy” in these posts, but I just find so many things out there where people have expressed my thoughts better than I even could have…
“Those who would defend anti-feminist traditionalism today are like heretics fighting a regnant Inquisition. To become a homemaker, a woman may need the courage of a heretic…Feminist claimed a woman can find identity and fulfillment only in a career; they are wrong. They claimed a woman can, in that popular expression, ‘have it all’; they are wrong – she can have only some. The experience of being a mother at home is a different experience from being a full-time market producer who is also a mother. A woman can have one or the other experience, but not both at the same time. Combining a career with motherhood requires a woman to compromise by diminishing her commitment and exertions with respect to one role or the other, or usually, to both.” –F. Carolyn Graglia
“Women are told today they can have it all – career, marriage, children. You need a total commitment to make it work. Take a close look at your child. He doesn’t want you to be bright, talented, chic, smart – any of those things. He just wants you to love him. He will be the one who pays the price for your wanting to have it all.” –Beverly Sills
Another reason that we are choosing for me to stay at home – I think that being a homemaker is incredibly rewarding!!!!
I have never been more excited by any role I am about to take on than I am about this new role of mine starting in November, and one of the reasons is the amazing rewards that you reap!!! I am serious, I cannot think of a more rewarding job. I get to be there to kiss my children’s boo boos, cook my family a nutritious dinner, and make a beautiful home for us. I get to watch my children grow up, think of ways for my family to reach out to others, and clean out the closet at the back of our hall whenever I feel like it (the clutter that accumulates in that closet could be a whole post in itself!). I have the freedom and time to raise our family in the way that we know we want to raise it. For me, NO position I could get in any job, no award I could win, no praise from any manager or colleague could compare to that! I haven’t even started my new role, and despite the many challenges I know will come with it, the rewards that will come as well remind me that “My cup runneth over…” with blessings!
“The best happiness would result if women would continue to let this be a man’s world and continue to provide a bower of bliss at home. Her greatest career is to help her husband and to start her children off in the right direction. Women should be reminded that they can have just as much pride saying, ‘Look, I helped my husband and I have raised some decent children.’ I don’t think women can do anything better than that. That’s more important than winning the Pulitzer Prize or the Nobel Peace Prize.” –Richard Armour
“To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition.” –Samuel Johnson
Thanks for your interest to those who are reading along with this series. More reasons to come tomorrow!
You can read the other posts from this series here:
Part 3: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_10.html
Part 2: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_09.html
Part 1: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom.html
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Why I'm Going To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom, Part 3
Today I want to highlight two more reasons that we’ve made the decision for me to be a stay at home mom…
If the women’s movement emphasizes a woman’s ability to choose a career outside the home, then I have an equal right to choose to be a homemaker as well. And I am exercising that choice.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I am a totally “anti-feminist” person. As is the case with most normal individuals, I’m for women having the same rights as men. But one of my problems with the strong feminist movement that has swept across America in the past few decades is that it seems to me to be very one-sided in terms of the “choices” offered to women in the arena of career/work. Personally, outside of a small, like-minded group of friends, I don’t particularly feel that I get a lot of respect for wanting to be at home full time. In fact, a few women I knew in college (again, I went to very progressive UNC-Chapel Hill, which is both one of the places that feels most like home to me AND one of the places I feel I fit in the least at the same time) told me that I was “self-oppressing” myself by desiring the full-time domestic life as a goal even for a short period of time (in college, I was only planning to stay at home when my kids were young – now David and I are talking about a longer commitment to that and homeschooling possibly, but that’s a different topic for a different post).
The fact remains, however, that I have a choice to pursue what fulfills ME, even if that’s not what culture SAYS is worthwhile or fulfilling! And for me, that sense of fulfillment comes from taking care of my husband, my children, and my home! My sense of worth comes from who I am in Christ and HIS will for my life, not from an outside-the-home career or anything else. To tell me that my worth is only in working outside the home is its own form of oppression (and one that seems to come more often from other women instead of men!), as stated well by F. Carolyn Graglia…
“Feminist who ceaselessly inveigh against their own oppression by men (often hardly specifying its exact nature) would ignore how they themselves have oppressed…feminine women. It oppresses a woman who years to stay at home with her children to tell her that she is worthy only insofar as she achieves in the workplace.”
So one reason that staying at home is the right decision for our family is that it is my CHOICE based on what is fulfilling and worthwhile to me, and how thankful I am to be able to live out that decision!
Another reason I’m going to be a stay at home mom is that being a homemaker doesn’t mean you are giving up work!
If people are thinking of being a homemaker/stay-at-home mom as some pass to be a full time lady of leisure eating bon-bons and watching Oprah, think again! I agree, not only would that be incredibly mind-numbing in terms of boredom, but not very fulfilling, either! If I were signing up to just lay around the house and relax all day, every day, well I’d be eager to run back to a 40-hour-a-week job, too!!!! But I KNOW that not only is being a stay-at-home mom work, it’s HARD work. REWARDING work. How do I know? Because I saw my mom do it. I’ve seen friends do it. And I had one friend that contemplated, after a year of being a stay at home mom, going back to a high-pressure sales job that left her totally exhausted at the end of each day. Why? Because she said that her outside-the-home job was SO much easier than being at home with the kids (but, she admitted, less rewarding for her) and trying to manage them and the affairs of the home full time. This woman considered going back to an incredibly high pressure job to relax! I think Danielle Crittenden illustrates it well…
“A woman will not understand what true dependence is until she is cradling her own infant in her arms; nor will she likely achieve the self-confidence she craves until she has withstood, and transcended, the weight of responsibility a family places upon her – a weight that makes all the paperwork and assignments of her in-basket seem feather-light.”
Obviously, the job of being a mother, whether a working one or a stay-at-home one, is challenging enough as is (Jane Sellman once said “The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant”), and for a stay-at-home mom there is never a time that you are “off work.” It’s a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week, 365 day a year CAREER!!!!
The way I look at it, it’s the best of so many worlds. I get to CHOOSE what is fulfilling for ME, as well as maintain a position (homemaker) that is challenging and rewarding. For me, it just doesn’t get better than that!
You can see my other posts from this series here:
Part 2: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_09.html
Part 1: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom.html
If the women’s movement emphasizes a woman’s ability to choose a career outside the home, then I have an equal right to choose to be a homemaker as well. And I am exercising that choice.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I am a totally “anti-feminist” person. As is the case with most normal individuals, I’m for women having the same rights as men. But one of my problems with the strong feminist movement that has swept across America in the past few decades is that it seems to me to be very one-sided in terms of the “choices” offered to women in the arena of career/work. Personally, outside of a small, like-minded group of friends, I don’t particularly feel that I get a lot of respect for wanting to be at home full time. In fact, a few women I knew in college (again, I went to very progressive UNC-Chapel Hill, which is both one of the places that feels most like home to me AND one of the places I feel I fit in the least at the same time) told me that I was “self-oppressing” myself by desiring the full-time domestic life as a goal even for a short period of time (in college, I was only planning to stay at home when my kids were young – now David and I are talking about a longer commitment to that and homeschooling possibly, but that’s a different topic for a different post).
The fact remains, however, that I have a choice to pursue what fulfills ME, even if that’s not what culture SAYS is worthwhile or fulfilling! And for me, that sense of fulfillment comes from taking care of my husband, my children, and my home! My sense of worth comes from who I am in Christ and HIS will for my life, not from an outside-the-home career or anything else. To tell me that my worth is only in working outside the home is its own form of oppression (and one that seems to come more often from other women instead of men!), as stated well by F. Carolyn Graglia…
“Feminist who ceaselessly inveigh against their own oppression by men (often hardly specifying its exact nature) would ignore how they themselves have oppressed…feminine women. It oppresses a woman who years to stay at home with her children to tell her that she is worthy only insofar as she achieves in the workplace.”
So one reason that staying at home is the right decision for our family is that it is my CHOICE based on what is fulfilling and worthwhile to me, and how thankful I am to be able to live out that decision!
Another reason I’m going to be a stay at home mom is that being a homemaker doesn’t mean you are giving up work!
If people are thinking of being a homemaker/stay-at-home mom as some pass to be a full time lady of leisure eating bon-bons and watching Oprah, think again! I agree, not only would that be incredibly mind-numbing in terms of boredom, but not very fulfilling, either! If I were signing up to just lay around the house and relax all day, every day, well I’d be eager to run back to a 40-hour-a-week job, too!!!! But I KNOW that not only is being a stay-at-home mom work, it’s HARD work. REWARDING work. How do I know? Because I saw my mom do it. I’ve seen friends do it. And I had one friend that contemplated, after a year of being a stay at home mom, going back to a high-pressure sales job that left her totally exhausted at the end of each day. Why? Because she said that her outside-the-home job was SO much easier than being at home with the kids (but, she admitted, less rewarding for her) and trying to manage them and the affairs of the home full time. This woman considered going back to an incredibly high pressure job to relax! I think Danielle Crittenden illustrates it well…
“A woman will not understand what true dependence is until she is cradling her own infant in her arms; nor will she likely achieve the self-confidence she craves until she has withstood, and transcended, the weight of responsibility a family places upon her – a weight that makes all the paperwork and assignments of her in-basket seem feather-light.”
Obviously, the job of being a mother, whether a working one or a stay-at-home one, is challenging enough as is (Jane Sellman once said “The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant”), and for a stay-at-home mom there is never a time that you are “off work.” It’s a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week, 365 day a year CAREER!!!!
The way I look at it, it’s the best of so many worlds. I get to CHOOSE what is fulfilling for ME, as well as maintain a position (homemaker) that is challenging and rewarding. For me, it just doesn’t get better than that!
You can see my other posts from this series here:
Part 2: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom_09.html
Part 1: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom.html
Monday, July 9, 2012
Why I'm Going To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom, Part 2
This post is not going to make me very popular in today’s society, but I’m going to jump right into it. I remind myself that I went through four years at Chapel Hill with this and other “unpopular” and “archaic” viewpoints, and I survived, so why should I worry about my coolness level in the blog world? So I’ll start off my blog with one of the very broad reasons that I am going to be staying at home…
I like gender roles and think that, in many ways, they are a good thing for families.
Okay, I said it. Feel free to roll your eyes and hit that little “X” box in the upper right hand corner of your browser right now if you can’t bear to ready on (that is, unless you’ve already fainted).
I know that this flies totally in the face of modern culture, where we are actually taught that gender roles are unnecessary but largely narrow, bad, and oppressive. To me, there is a huge difference in believing in basic women’s rights (suffrage, equal work for equal pay, and other things that I think most of us would agree to be good things) and the belief that women should have to prove themselves to be the same as men in all ways possible. Let me explain further.
I think that men and women were created equal in terms of being heirs of salvation through Christ, and what a wonderful thing that is! But I DON’T think that means that God intends men and women to be the same in all ways. I believe that men and women were created as different by the Lord in order to offer their unique contributions to fulfill a single purpose – glorifying God. As Elisabeth Elliot puts it…
“Equality is not really a Christian ideal. It is, in the first place, very hard to get at what people mean when they speak of equality. Surely they can’t mean that men and women are like two halves on an hourglass or an orange…Men and women are equal, we may say, in having been created by God. Both male and female are created in His image. They bear the divine stamp. They are equally called to obedience and responsibility, but there are differences in the responsibilities….The statement ‘All men are created equal’ is a political one, referring to a single quality for a single purpose. C.S. Lewis called this a ‘legal fiction,’ useful, necessary, but not by any means always desirable. Marriage is not a political arena. It is a union of two opposites. It is a confusion to speak of ‘separate but equal’ or ‘opposite but equal’ in referring to this unique union of two people who have become, because they were made different in order that they might thus become, one flesh.”
I believe that God made women with an undeniable capacity for nurturing and relationships (I urge you to check out Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge if you want to delve further into this idea). I wish I had time to expand on it more here, but I think most of you can think of examples of this on your own. Who is more likely to send a card to cheer up a discouraged friend, a man or a woman? Now this is NOT because a man isn’t caring, but because I believe God made women with the deeper capacity for nurturing and maintaining relationships. If this goes for friendships, thing of how much MORE it applies to her relationships with her husband and children! It’s a pity to try to stifle this gift that God has given to women! As US Journalist Agnes E. Meyer said…
“God protect us from the efficient, go-getter businesswoman whose feminine instincts have been completely sterilized. Wherever women are functioning, whether in the home or in a job, they must remember that their chief function as women is a capacity for warm, understanding, and charitable human relationships.”
In my opinion, if women are given such a great passion for relationships, what better place to use them than in the home! And what better way to use them to their maximum than by being at home full time, where you can focus on your relationship with your husband and children above all else (which I think most would agree SHOULD be their top priority, after their relationship with the Lord)! In Titus 2:3-5, Scripture points out that a part of God’s design for a woman is that they be … “Teachers of good things – that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
I guess what I’m getting at is that, as women, we have the great opportunity to live out our God-given gifts and abilities such as caring for others, and I believe the best expression of those for many women (myself included) is at home, taking care of the house, a husband, and the children. Obviously a few others agree with me on this, too…
“Home is the true wife’s kingdom. There, first of all places, she must be strong and beautiful.” – J.R. Miller
“No occupation in this world is more trying to soul and body than the care of young children. What patience and wisdom, skill and unlimited love it calls for. God gave the work to mothers and furnished them for it, and they cannot shirk it and be guiltless.” -Isabella Alden and Mrs. C.M. Livingston (the "shirking" here not being implied about working mothers but rather any mother that isn't committed to the nurturing of her children and all that it requires - so no one freak out lol!)
Also, Scripture is pretty clear on the expectation of men to be the providers. Now I’m not saying that it’s wrong if a woman brings in more money than her husband, I’m saying that it’s wrong for a man not to do everything in his power to make sure his family is provided for. This is not my opinion, it’s God’s, specifically outlined in 1 Timothy 5:8 – “But if a man makes no provision for those dependent on him, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is behaving worse than an unbeliever.”
So, if Scripture is clear that a woman’s priority should be teaching and building relationships with her husband and children, and that a man’s should be providing for his family, doesn’t it make sense that the stay-at-home model may be a beneficial one? Personally, I think that a dual-income family where both partners work full time makes the division of household labor more difficult. If I am at home while David is working, then it makes it easy (well, maybe not easy, but more simple perhaps) for me to take care of the vast majority of household duties while he in turn brings in the income. I’ve noticed that in many dual-income families it becomes a battle instead – both people come home tired from work and then there is the hair-splitting task of determining how to divide the household responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, childcare) so that all is equal. Or, even worse, one partner ends up not only working outside of the home but doing the majority of the “inside the home” work, too! I thought the below was a humorous-yet-poingnant example…
“The Liberation Ladies will lead to generations of women willing to support a tired husband, and provide for his old age. He can be snug-abed in the morning while she pounds off in her thick boots to her job or carries a briefcase to her office. And when she comes home at night – she can cook him dinner, too, and wash and iron his shirts. She can do the housework while he watches TV and complains of the pain in his back – which she will eventually rub away at bedtime. Women wanted careers, didn’t they? They can do a man’s work, can’t they? Well, let ‘em do it, and be glad they were able to get a husband besides, even if they have to take care of him!.” – Taylor Caldwell
Personally, I don’t want the battle. I’d rather have my “set” of things to take care of – the care of the children during the day, the cleaning, the cooking, while David focuses on bringing in the income to meet our needs. I realize there will be times that David helps me with the housework, and times that I help David with his duties (in fact, on our to-do list right now is a trip to his office soon for me to help him get it better organized). But, for our family, I believe it is just easier for each person to have their primary role to serve.
One of the reasons that we have decided for me to stay at home is that we believe that it just works better that way, and that Scripture backs up the existance of specific roles for men and women! While many of the reasons I’m going to present later on this blog series may be a little more specific, this is one of the broad backings for our decision.
You can read my past posts from this series here...
Part 1: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom.html
I like gender roles and think that, in many ways, they are a good thing for families.
Okay, I said it. Feel free to roll your eyes and hit that little “X” box in the upper right hand corner of your browser right now if you can’t bear to ready on (that is, unless you’ve already fainted).
I know that this flies totally in the face of modern culture, where we are actually taught that gender roles are unnecessary but largely narrow, bad, and oppressive. To me, there is a huge difference in believing in basic women’s rights (suffrage, equal work for equal pay, and other things that I think most of us would agree to be good things) and the belief that women should have to prove themselves to be the same as men in all ways possible. Let me explain further.
I think that men and women were created equal in terms of being heirs of salvation through Christ, and what a wonderful thing that is! But I DON’T think that means that God intends men and women to be the same in all ways. I believe that men and women were created as different by the Lord in order to offer their unique contributions to fulfill a single purpose – glorifying God. As Elisabeth Elliot puts it…
“Equality is not really a Christian ideal. It is, in the first place, very hard to get at what people mean when they speak of equality. Surely they can’t mean that men and women are like two halves on an hourglass or an orange…Men and women are equal, we may say, in having been created by God. Both male and female are created in His image. They bear the divine stamp. They are equally called to obedience and responsibility, but there are differences in the responsibilities….The statement ‘All men are created equal’ is a political one, referring to a single quality for a single purpose. C.S. Lewis called this a ‘legal fiction,’ useful, necessary, but not by any means always desirable. Marriage is not a political arena. It is a union of two opposites. It is a confusion to speak of ‘separate but equal’ or ‘opposite but equal’ in referring to this unique union of two people who have become, because they were made different in order that they might thus become, one flesh.”
I believe that God made women with an undeniable capacity for nurturing and relationships (I urge you to check out Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge if you want to delve further into this idea). I wish I had time to expand on it more here, but I think most of you can think of examples of this on your own. Who is more likely to send a card to cheer up a discouraged friend, a man or a woman? Now this is NOT because a man isn’t caring, but because I believe God made women with the deeper capacity for nurturing and maintaining relationships. If this goes for friendships, thing of how much MORE it applies to her relationships with her husband and children! It’s a pity to try to stifle this gift that God has given to women! As US Journalist Agnes E. Meyer said…
“God protect us from the efficient, go-getter businesswoman whose feminine instincts have been completely sterilized. Wherever women are functioning, whether in the home or in a job, they must remember that their chief function as women is a capacity for warm, understanding, and charitable human relationships.”
In my opinion, if women are given such a great passion for relationships, what better place to use them than in the home! And what better way to use them to their maximum than by being at home full time, where you can focus on your relationship with your husband and children above all else (which I think most would agree SHOULD be their top priority, after their relationship with the Lord)! In Titus 2:3-5, Scripture points out that a part of God’s design for a woman is that they be … “Teachers of good things – that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
I guess what I’m getting at is that, as women, we have the great opportunity to live out our God-given gifts and abilities such as caring for others, and I believe the best expression of those for many women (myself included) is at home, taking care of the house, a husband, and the children. Obviously a few others agree with me on this, too…
“Home is the true wife’s kingdom. There, first of all places, she must be strong and beautiful.” – J.R. Miller
“No occupation in this world is more trying to soul and body than the care of young children. What patience and wisdom, skill and unlimited love it calls for. God gave the work to mothers and furnished them for it, and they cannot shirk it and be guiltless.” -Isabella Alden and Mrs. C.M. Livingston (the "shirking" here not being implied about working mothers but rather any mother that isn't committed to the nurturing of her children and all that it requires - so no one freak out lol!)
Also, Scripture is pretty clear on the expectation of men to be the providers. Now I’m not saying that it’s wrong if a woman brings in more money than her husband, I’m saying that it’s wrong for a man not to do everything in his power to make sure his family is provided for. This is not my opinion, it’s God’s, specifically outlined in 1 Timothy 5:8 – “But if a man makes no provision for those dependent on him, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is behaving worse than an unbeliever.”
So, if Scripture is clear that a woman’s priority should be teaching and building relationships with her husband and children, and that a man’s should be providing for his family, doesn’t it make sense that the stay-at-home model may be a beneficial one? Personally, I think that a dual-income family where both partners work full time makes the division of household labor more difficult. If I am at home while David is working, then it makes it easy (well, maybe not easy, but more simple perhaps) for me to take care of the vast majority of household duties while he in turn brings in the income. I’ve noticed that in many dual-income families it becomes a battle instead – both people come home tired from work and then there is the hair-splitting task of determining how to divide the household responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, childcare) so that all is equal. Or, even worse, one partner ends up not only working outside of the home but doing the majority of the “inside the home” work, too! I thought the below was a humorous-yet-poingnant example…
“The Liberation Ladies will lead to generations of women willing to support a tired husband, and provide for his old age. He can be snug-abed in the morning while she pounds off in her thick boots to her job or carries a briefcase to her office. And when she comes home at night – she can cook him dinner, too, and wash and iron his shirts. She can do the housework while he watches TV and complains of the pain in his back – which she will eventually rub away at bedtime. Women wanted careers, didn’t they? They can do a man’s work, can’t they? Well, let ‘em do it, and be glad they were able to get a husband besides, even if they have to take care of him!.” – Taylor Caldwell
Personally, I don’t want the battle. I’d rather have my “set” of things to take care of – the care of the children during the day, the cleaning, the cooking, while David focuses on bringing in the income to meet our needs. I realize there will be times that David helps me with the housework, and times that I help David with his duties (in fact, on our to-do list right now is a trip to his office soon for me to help him get it better organized). But, for our family, I believe it is just easier for each person to have their primary role to serve.
One of the reasons that we have decided for me to stay at home is that we believe that it just works better that way, and that Scripture backs up the existance of specific roles for men and women! While many of the reasons I’m going to present later on this blog series may be a little more specific, this is one of the broad backings for our decision.
You can read my past posts from this series here...
Part 1: http://www.onefleshonelove.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-im-going-to-be-stay-at-home-mom.html
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Why I'm Going to Be a Stay At Home Mom, Part 1
"Never, 'for the sake of peace and quiet,' deny your convictions." -Dag Hammarskjold
This is a blog series that I REALLY debated on writing for a number of reasons. But after praying about it and talking it over with my husband, I feel like it is the thing to do.
By now most of my blog readers probably know that I will be leaving my job when Joseph is born to be a full-time stay-at-home wife/mom/homemaker. It has been our plan since we got married. There was a time when it didn't seem that it would be financially possible, but God has been very faithful to provide a way for that to happen through David's stable job, wisdom in budgeting and saving (in preparation of me staying at home, we've been living off of David's salary alone for over two years now, while mine has gone directly into various savings accounts), and so many other blessings.
There was a time that David and I VERY seriously discussed me being a stay-at-home wife (this focusing full time on our marriage and our home), even before we got pregnant, and to be honest we both loved that idea. In some ways I felt that was what the Lord was calling me to, and in some ways I felt that he wanted me to keep bringing in income until we had children. There was a lot of wrestling in prayer for me on that topic. After much of this prayer and discussion, I decided that the income we could put into savings before we had kids would be more beneficial to our family in the long run (I say that I decided because David was incredibly supportive of whatever decision I thought was best at that point since no children were involved. If I had wanted to stay at home then, even without children, he would have been behind me 100%).
I have God, first and foremost, to thank for the ability to stay at home. After that, I have to give a huge thanks to my sweet husband, who has not only been incredibly on board with me on this since our first date (no, you didn't misread that, we discussed it on our FIRST DATE) but has also worked incredibly hard to be the type of provider he needs to be to make it happen. It is a decision that I absolutely COULD NOT be more excited about (and I've never questioned it for a second), although I do realize it will have it's fare share of challenges, and in some ways will be the hardest job I've ever done!
What really inspired me to write this is the surprising number of questions and comments (some of them just curious, some of them downright critical) directed to me about our decision. I don't mind these comments (after all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion) and I certainly don't mind the questions (In fact I welcome them, because how do we learn about each others views if we aren't open to questions?). But I thought that our blog may be a good way to explain to our family and friends why we are making this decision. Most of all, we feel that this is God's will for our family. But there has been a lot of thought into the decision making process as well just on our very human, earthly level.
BUT, before I start this blog series, there are a few things I'd like our readers to know. I hate the word "disclaimers" when it comes to something like this, but honestly I really can't think of a better term. So here it goes:
1) I DO understand that there are some women that, because of financial circumstances, CANNOT stay at home. I know this. Especially in this economy and the situations that SO many people in America and around the world are facing, I understand this. I have several friends in particular who want nothing more than to be at home with their children, and yet because of various financial situations they are unable to do so - either because they MUST work or MUST be in school full time . And when I say financial situations, I DO NOT mean that they are unwilling to sacrifice or give up the lifestyle they currently have, I mean that they would risk their family not having food if they didn't work or further their education. For these people, I can say that not only do I understand but I lift them up in prayer, praying that the good Lord will find a way for them to reach their goal if that is His will.
2) I am not, not, NOT saying that women who CHOOSE to work or be in school full time (when they COULD afford to stay at home) are bad women, bad mothers, bad wives, or bad Christians (for those who share that with me). I am not saying I am a better woman, mother, wife, or Christian than them - by no means! I recognize that I am a very flawed person, and I'd be crazy to have a "holier than thou" attitude about this (not to mention that I love these women DEARLY). PLEASE hear this, blog readers. Some of my BEST friends in the world are working mothers, and many of them COULD stay at home if they wanted to and were willing to rearrange their budget. It is one of the most personal and private decisions a family could make. Frankly, the reasons that I have chosen to stay at home or the reasons a working mother has chosen to work are no one's business except their own and their husbands. This blog series is simply a presentation of why David and I have chosen this for OUR family, and why this is decision and the reasons behind it are so near and dear to my heart. So PLEASE friends, no hurt feelings, no offense, because it is the furthest thing from my purpose.
Okay, I think this about covers all the motivations behind this series. I don't typically do blog "series," so this will be something new for me. I have 7 parts planned, and hopefully can post one per day for this next week. I hope you can read along, and that it will answer questions that you may have about us, our choice, and perhaps some other families making the same decision.
This is a blog series that I REALLY debated on writing for a number of reasons. But after praying about it and talking it over with my husband, I feel like it is the thing to do.
By now most of my blog readers probably know that I will be leaving my job when Joseph is born to be a full-time stay-at-home wife/mom/homemaker. It has been our plan since we got married. There was a time when it didn't seem that it would be financially possible, but God has been very faithful to provide a way for that to happen through David's stable job, wisdom in budgeting and saving (in preparation of me staying at home, we've been living off of David's salary alone for over two years now, while mine has gone directly into various savings accounts), and so many other blessings.
There was a time that David and I VERY seriously discussed me being a stay-at-home wife (this focusing full time on our marriage and our home), even before we got pregnant, and to be honest we both loved that idea. In some ways I felt that was what the Lord was calling me to, and in some ways I felt that he wanted me to keep bringing in income until we had children. There was a lot of wrestling in prayer for me on that topic. After much of this prayer and discussion, I decided that the income we could put into savings before we had kids would be more beneficial to our family in the long run (I say that I decided because David was incredibly supportive of whatever decision I thought was best at that point since no children were involved. If I had wanted to stay at home then, even without children, he would have been behind me 100%).
I have God, first and foremost, to thank for the ability to stay at home. After that, I have to give a huge thanks to my sweet husband, who has not only been incredibly on board with me on this since our first date (no, you didn't misread that, we discussed it on our FIRST DATE) but has also worked incredibly hard to be the type of provider he needs to be to make it happen. It is a decision that I absolutely COULD NOT be more excited about (and I've never questioned it for a second), although I do realize it will have it's fare share of challenges, and in some ways will be the hardest job I've ever done!
What really inspired me to write this is the surprising number of questions and comments (some of them just curious, some of them downright critical) directed to me about our decision. I don't mind these comments (after all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion) and I certainly don't mind the questions (In fact I welcome them, because how do we learn about each others views if we aren't open to questions?). But I thought that our blog may be a good way to explain to our family and friends why we are making this decision. Most of all, we feel that this is God's will for our family. But there has been a lot of thought into the decision making process as well just on our very human, earthly level.
BUT, before I start this blog series, there are a few things I'd like our readers to know. I hate the word "disclaimers" when it comes to something like this, but honestly I really can't think of a better term. So here it goes:
1) I DO understand that there are some women that, because of financial circumstances, CANNOT stay at home. I know this. Especially in this economy and the situations that SO many people in America and around the world are facing, I understand this. I have several friends in particular who want nothing more than to be at home with their children, and yet because of various financial situations they are unable to do so - either because they MUST work or MUST be in school full time . And when I say financial situations, I DO NOT mean that they are unwilling to sacrifice or give up the lifestyle they currently have, I mean that they would risk their family not having food if they didn't work or further their education. For these people, I can say that not only do I understand but I lift them up in prayer, praying that the good Lord will find a way for them to reach their goal if that is His will.
2) I am not, not, NOT saying that women who CHOOSE to work or be in school full time (when they COULD afford to stay at home) are bad women, bad mothers, bad wives, or bad Christians (for those who share that with me). I am not saying I am a better woman, mother, wife, or Christian than them - by no means! I recognize that I am a very flawed person, and I'd be crazy to have a "holier than thou" attitude about this (not to mention that I love these women DEARLY). PLEASE hear this, blog readers. Some of my BEST friends in the world are working mothers, and many of them COULD stay at home if they wanted to and were willing to rearrange their budget. It is one of the most personal and private decisions a family could make. Frankly, the reasons that I have chosen to stay at home or the reasons a working mother has chosen to work are no one's business except their own and their husbands. This blog series is simply a presentation of why David and I have chosen this for OUR family, and why this is decision and the reasons behind it are so near and dear to my heart. So PLEASE friends, no hurt feelings, no offense, because it is the furthest thing from my purpose.
Okay, I think this about covers all the motivations behind this series. I don't typically do blog "series," so this will be something new for me. I have 7 parts planned, and hopefully can post one per day for this next week. I hope you can read along, and that it will answer questions that you may have about us, our choice, and perhaps some other families making the same decision.
North Myrtle Beach June 2012
"My soul is full of longing
For the secret of the sea,
And the heart of the great ocean
Sends a thrilling pulse through me."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
For the secret of the sea,
And the heart of the great ocean
Sends a thrilling pulse through me."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
A few weeks ago, David and I took a 4 night trip to North Myrtle Beach, SC. We were very excited about this trip because it was to be our last trip together before JoJo joins us and thus was pretty much our "babymoon." We couldn't wait to get away together! We left at 5:30am on a Wednesday morning, but managed to get a quick picture of my 20 week belly bump (I'm 22 1/2 weeks now as I write this) before we left our house (the early AM time explains why I look so sleepy).
We made one brief wrong turn on our way down, which our GPS quickly fixed for us, EXCEPT that it took us down this dirt path in order to do so! It was crazy and very funny, so I had to take a picture. Who knew that our GPS even knew that this road was here?
When we got there on Wednesday, our room wasn't quite ready for check-in yet, so we went shopping at Tanger Outlets. But while we were there, I looked down and noticed that my left foot /ankle was HUGE!!! For the first time in this pregnancy, I had some swelling and it was big time! It had David worried, so we went back to the hotel and sat in the air-conditioned lobby for a while as we waited on a call-back from the triage nurse at our OB's office. Luckily, she called back and confirmed that it was just normal pregnancy swelling and was aggravated by the car trip. So with no more worries, we checked into our room, ate dinner (at Carolina Roadhouse - our favorite), and sat out on our balcony that evening so we could take some pictures...
Friday, June 8, 2012
Our Past Two Weeks
"Science has never drummed up quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day." ~W. Earl Hall
Our past two weeks have brought several fun little adventures.
Two weekends ago, we went to Randleman / Asheboro for the day. David lived here for a year (before we met) and so we go back to visit periodically. My grandfather, who passed away in January, was also from Randleman, so we always enjoy reminiscing about the things he grew up with down there.
We started by visiting our friends Brett and Jessica at their house in Randleman. We had a nice little chat, and got to see the ADORABLE nursery that they have prepared for their little boy (who is being born today!), Isaac. We are so thankful for other friends who are having little boys for Joseph to play with!!!
Then we rode by the house that my grandfather grew up in. Also, when my grandparents first got married in 1945 (after my grandfather got home from the war), they lived for a couple of years in the upstairs room here. So fun to see. The house is a little run down now, but it's still cool to see where they used to live.
Then we stopped at Deep River, where there is a park with trails that you can walk on. I got my first baby bump picture at 16.5 weeks!!!
We finished the day by going to locally famous Sir Pizza (David has wanted to take me there FOREVER)...it was very good...
And by going by David's old apartment...
On the way back to Greensboro, I laid my seat back and went to sleep (very common for pregnant Lisa). My wonderful husband took a picture of me totally unconscious, mouth wide open, and snoring (or so he says). Needless to say, that picture didn't make the blog. ;-)
This past weekend, we went to an event we go to every year at Bicentennial Gardens. It's called Parisian Promenade, and it's a celebration of french culture. It's always so much fun! As part of it, they always have a french cooking demonstration put on my the GTCC School of Culinary and Hospitality Management. This man, who is one of the culinary professors at the school, showed us how to make shrimp and polenta as well as a spicy chicken and pasta dish...
We've also gotten several recent belly bump shots...
One at 17 weeks...
And another at 18 weeks...I'm growing!!!
And yesterday we had our 18 week ultrasound. Joseph looks WONDERFUL!!! He is so incredibly active - the ultrasound tech had trouble getting all the measurements she needed initially because he would NOT stay still. One of the pregnancy books I have says "An active baby is a healthy baby" and JoJo sure must be doing great!!! I started feeling flutters last week in my tummy and now I feel them a LOT! So fun!!! Everything on ultrasound looked totally normal and good. He is measuring WAY heavy for his age already - he should be around 6.7 ounces right now and he already weighs 9 oz.!!! They said that was fine and nothing to worry about. David and both of the grandfathers have joked about how much they would love for him to be a football star (deep down they will love him regardless of what he does!) and it looks like he's well on his way to being a linebacker already. I laughed, because ever since we found out he was a boy I have felt that he is going to be huge (like 9 pounds huge). They say a mother's intuition is usually right, so I think he's going to be a big boy. Our family is full of big, strong men, and I think Joseph is going to follow in that line! I am already getting slightly nervous about how well my "natural" birth plan is going to play out! Here are some pictures of our sweet boy...
This is a face shot...and yes, the face shots are supposed to look this scary at this stage...
A sweet little profile shot!!!!
Just under 22 weeks left...we can't wait to meet our sweet boy!!!
Our past two weeks have brought several fun little adventures.
Two weekends ago, we went to Randleman / Asheboro for the day. David lived here for a year (before we met) and so we go back to visit periodically. My grandfather, who passed away in January, was also from Randleman, so we always enjoy reminiscing about the things he grew up with down there.
We started by visiting our friends Brett and Jessica at their house in Randleman. We had a nice little chat, and got to see the ADORABLE nursery that they have prepared for their little boy (who is being born today!), Isaac. We are so thankful for other friends who are having little boys for Joseph to play with!!!
Then we rode by the house that my grandfather grew up in. Also, when my grandparents first got married in 1945 (after my grandfather got home from the war), they lived for a couple of years in the upstairs room here. So fun to see. The house is a little run down now, but it's still cool to see where they used to live.
Then we stopped at Deep River, where there is a park with trails that you can walk on. I got my first baby bump picture at 16.5 weeks!!!
We finished the day by going to locally famous Sir Pizza (David has wanted to take me there FOREVER)...it was very good...
This past weekend, we went to an event we go to every year at Bicentennial Gardens. It's called Parisian Promenade, and it's a celebration of french culture. It's always so much fun! As part of it, they always have a french cooking demonstration put on my the GTCC School of Culinary and Hospitality Management. This man, who is one of the culinary professors at the school, showed us how to make shrimp and polenta as well as a spicy chicken and pasta dish...
We've also gotten several recent belly bump shots...
One at 17 weeks...
And another at 18 weeks...I'm growing!!!
And yesterday we had our 18 week ultrasound. Joseph looks WONDERFUL!!! He is so incredibly active - the ultrasound tech had trouble getting all the measurements she needed initially because he would NOT stay still. One of the pregnancy books I have says "An active baby is a healthy baby" and JoJo sure must be doing great!!! I started feeling flutters last week in my tummy and now I feel them a LOT! So fun!!! Everything on ultrasound looked totally normal and good. He is measuring WAY heavy for his age already - he should be around 6.7 ounces right now and he already weighs 9 oz.!!! They said that was fine and nothing to worry about. David and both of the grandfathers have joked about how much they would love for him to be a football star (deep down they will love him regardless of what he does!) and it looks like he's well on his way to being a linebacker already. I laughed, because ever since we found out he was a boy I have felt that he is going to be huge (like 9 pounds huge). They say a mother's intuition is usually right, so I think he's going to be a big boy. Our family is full of big, strong men, and I think Joseph is going to follow in that line! I am already getting slightly nervous about how well my "natural" birth plan is going to play out! Here are some pictures of our sweet boy...
This is a face shot...and yes, the face shots are supposed to look this scary at this stage...
At the end of the ultrasound he flipped onto his stomach...silly baby!!!
Just under 22 weeks left...we can't wait to meet our sweet boy!!!
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