Our Little Corner of the World

"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December." -James M. Barrie

Obviously, December is the month that we lost Katie. December 11th is the day we found out she was gone, to be exact, at that 14 week appointment, and ultrasound evidence points to her just having passed away likely just a day or two before. So, in some ways, I'll be glad to get past blogging about the last month she was with us, because sometimes it hurts to realize just how much we've lost in her. In other ways, it's sad to move on to sharing memories that did not involve her. But in any event, here's what our December looked like...

The first Saturday of the month we went shopping for our Christmas tree along with my parents, who always buy theirs at the same time as us. We've gone to the same tree lot for years, just a little over a mile from our house. This time, we ran into some friends that I used to know from the singles group at our church, years ago, before any of us were married. They congratulated us on Katie and we talked about how excited we were. **Sigh.**

This photo series is funny to me. We'd gone to church and Lizzie stole my long strand of pearls. She'd been such a mess that morning. Afterward Joseph wanted to go to Pita Delight at Friendly Center, which is just about the last thing that sounded good to my morning sickness tummy, but we went anyway. Lizzie kept wanting to sit on the table and eat. David was busy helping Joseph, and I was too nauseous to fight the battle with Lizzie. So, on the table she sat.

The weekend before we found out Katie was gone, we got a little snow...

This picture is very random, but very special to me. The Saturday after the snow happened we drove to Siler City to look at a SUV for sale that we thought we may be interested in. While we were there Joseph got hungry, and there wasn't much around, so we ended up at the Siler City Pizza Inn. I took this silly photo of him getting messy while eating his pasta. Ironically, I remember I refused to eat from the salad bar that day...I'm funny about salad bars when pregnant because of listeria risks. I'm funny about everything when pregnant...I'm literally probably the most cautious pregnant woman alive. With our history, I can't afford to be otherwise. We were all so happy...it was Christmas, we were going to have another baby for the next Christmas. Yet, unknown to us, this picture would be taken on what was very likely Katherine's last day alive. Heartbreaking, but I love remembering how happy we were in that moment and I'm glad that, over 5 months later, we have largely recovered a lot of that happiness, despite having lost her.

I told you in my blog posts about Katie that, the two days after we found out she was gone (two days before I had my D&E) we took the kids to the Science Center to give them a distraction from all the sadness. I'm pretty certain it was the only time that week that David and I were not crying. We managed to snap a few pictures while there. (I'm happy to report that this outing was so beneficial for us that we, at the beginning of January, finally joined the Science Center like we'd been talking about doing for years)

I remember laughing so hard at his face right here. First, and maybe the only, time I laughed that whole week.

That next Saturday, the day after my D&E, I was feeling surprisingly good (physically). The pregnancy nausea was starting to fade which was painful emotionally but also a relief physically. Other than being a bit tired and weak I physically felt mostly fine. David went to the backyard to rake leaves and I came out to watch the kiddos play in them. These two bring me so much joy!

This girl! LOL

Two days before Christmas we went downtown to The Biltmore Greensboro Hotel to see Santa! They had cookies and hot chocolate for everyone and I'm not sure which the kids liked more...the treats or Santa himself! After that fun adventure we stopped by to hang out with my parents for a few moments...where the kids continued to indulged on Christmas M&Ms. Because, obviously, what all little ones need in the pre-Christmas excitement is more sugar. ;-)

Waiting patiently for Santa to appear!

Jojo spots him!

Telling Santa what they wanted for Christmas!

And later telling Papaw!

Christmas Eve was lovely. I spent all day cooking and cleaning for family coming the next day, and while I have sometimes in the past gotten a bit frazzled with Christmas preparation, this year it was actually a really good distraction for me. Christmas Eve was 13 days after we had found out Katie was gone, and it was the first day that I told David that I felt a little bit in the Christmas spirit. I remember I was sweeping the Christmas floor and realized I was singing a Christmas carol. God was so good to allow me some joy through all the sadness!

The night of Christmas Eve we went to my grandmother's house to eat a light dinner with my family, then we came back home and let Jojo and Lizzie open the presents from David's family, which they loved doing, before they hit the sack to get ready for the big day!

Joseph's Christmas pajamas this year were from the 2017 Thank Heaven Boutique collection. Weren't they adorable?!

Opening gifts from Mimi, Poppy, and Aunt Lindsay

Lizzie loves baby dolls

Christmas morning my parents and grandmother came over for the present-opening fun, and, around noon, my cousins from Chapel Hill/NYC/DC joined us for Christmas lunch. I sadly got no pictures of the lunch part...I was so busy cooking and corralling the kids that taking pictures just slipped my mind. I did, however, get lots of pictures of present-opening that morning. It ended up being a lovely Christmas, despite the sadness in the weeks leading up to it...

Jojo and Lizzie all dressed up for lunch in their Christmas outfits from Aunt Mary Jo!

I blogged about our post-Christmas trip to North Myrtle Beach in one of my posts I did on Katie, so no need to cover that here. :-) But after we returned from the beach we celebrated David's birthday with my family (we also celebrated my mom's birthday earlier in the month but somehow I got no pictures of that).

It was a hard December, but also a beautiful one in many ways, too. Thankful for God's grace in the darkest of times and that, because God sent his son to us, the darkness won't last forever.

"It was November...the month of crimson sunsets, parting birds, deep, sad hymns of the sea, passionate wind songs in the pines." -L. M. Montgomery

November 2017 holds bittersweet memories for me, as it was the last full month that I was pregnant with our sweet Katherine (and obviously with no warning that the next month our lives would change forever when we lost her). Here's a look at some of the things we did while she was still with us:

We went to Chapel Hill for a football game...

Eating lunch outside at Carolina Brewery on Franklin St. before the game

Lizzie restless in the high chair, as usual

Walking through Tar Heel town in the quad on the way to Kenan

We got to the stadium way early, but at least it gave us time to get the kiddos settled

In fact she maybe got a little too settled, taking a game day nap in the Boba. I have precious memories of babywearing Lizzie while pregnant with Katie. Sweet sisters snugged up next to each other...one on the inside and one on the outside.

Leaving the game that evening David took Joseph to the restroom while I waited outside with Lizzie. A sweet lady stopped to talk to Lizzie and asked if she could use my phone to take our picture. She said her kids are all grown up and she realized she had very few pictures of her with them when they were little, because she was always the one taking the photos. Now she wants to make sure moms get pictures with their littles. So sweet of her. I remember telling her (through an intense wave of pregnancy nausea) that we had a third baby on the way in June. I had no idea that wouldn't actually be happening. Such sweet and sad memories.

Silly Lizzie!

For the past several years we have done Thanksgiving at Joseph's Restaurant at the Koury Center here in Greensboro. They have an enormous Thanksgiving lunch buffet in a very nice, relaxed atmosphere. Always so much fun. I remember chatting with several other families there and telling them, too, that we'd be back this next year with a new baby. It's taken me a long time to come to grips with the fact that we don't have one single memory from this past fall that didn't involve Katherine. Wonderful and devastating at the same time.

Joseph loves to ride in on Great Mimi's lap in her wheelchair

The sweetest sibling pair I've ever known

Lizzie wore the same dress - smocked turkeys - that she wore last year for Thanksgiving lunch. It was originally a 3-6 month bishop length dress, which is how she wore it her first Thanksgiving. It was so cute I just had to let her wear it again, so this time she wore it hitting just below the knee. Who knows, next year she may wear it vintage length with knee socks and cute bloomers! I can't get enough of her in it!

The day after Thanksgiving David and I took the kids to Winston-Salem for our annual Christmas-season trip to eat lunch at Salem Tavern. It's always so much fun!

This time we went over in the morning so that I could introduce them to the deliciousness of breakfast at Bagel Station, which I used to frequent when I lived in Winston