"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." -Franklin D. Roosevelt
I had to think long and hard before blogging about our
fertility journey. I think most people would agree that the conception of
a child is, well, a rather private event! But I also talk to so many
people that are having a harder time getting pregnant than they had planned,
and often times they tell me they feel so alone. So I decided I could
blog about our fertility struggles without getting too personal about it, in
hopes that maybe it would encourage some of you going through the same thing.
It took us 18 months to get pregnant, from the time we
started trying to the time it happened. These weren’t consecutive months
– there were some months in between when we were NOT trying (you’ll understand
these more as you read this post). I know 18 months may not sound like
THAT long to some people, but when you a) never had any reason to think you’d
have a hard time getting pregnant and b) seem to have a large group of friends
that got pregnant without even trying, it SEEMS like an eternity. Not to
mention that any length of trying to conceive over 12 months is the medical
definition of “infertility.” So let me tell you a little bit about the
journey we went through, and how we got from here to there.
We started trying to get pregnant in early July of
2010. We had been married almost a year, and felt like this was good
timing to start a family (especially given the fact that we didn’t get married
until I was 28 and David was 27. There was no time to waste! I quit
taking the birth control pills (Aviane) that I’d been on since we got
married. I made an appointment with my then-OB/GYN to talk about trying
to get pregnant. Everything seemed great from the exam and blood work, so
she gave us the go-ahead to start. I was also told to start taking 800mcg
a day of folic acid. Normally she said a woman of childbearing age would
only need 400mcg a day, but because of what happened with my brother I’d need a
little more. My brother Jonathan, born 2 years before me, was born with a
rare, severe, and 100% fatal birth defect called anencephaly. It is a
neural tube defect and is, as the books say, “incompatible with life.” He
passed away just 30 minutes after birth. There is some evidence that
neural tube defects can carry a hereditary risk factor, so the extra folic acid
would help mitigate this. So we started trying to conceive right around
the same time that I started that daily folic acid dose.
As of early October, 2010, we had been trying a few months
with no success. We had been told that up to a year can be normal, and that
most couples conceive within 8 months, so at this point we really were not
worried. Just for peace of mind, I bought a First Response Home Fertility
Test kit. It measures a woman’s FSH level, which gives a good idea of her
ovarian reserve (the amount of eggs she has left). Mine came back totally
normal, which was a relief. No issues there, it seemed. Later that
month, we unfortunately found out that David’s job at the time, working with a
public health surveillance team under a Homeland Security grant, may become
unstable as the grant was to be “restructured.” This would mean he would
be without a job in the following spring. Given this news and the
financial impact it could have on us, we decide we better stop trying
temporarily. Going into parenthood with David unemployed would not be our
ideal plan. Both of us were wary about me starting back on hormonal birth
control, since it takes a while to get out of your system afterwards. So
we use alternative methods of birth control for several months.
In March of 2011, David got a contract position with Booz
Allen Hamilton, handling Environmental Health and Safety for the EPA office in
Research Triangle Park. This meant a 1 hour and 15 minute commute EACH
WAY for him each day. Looking back, this was one of the hardest points in
our marriage. David’s new job was incredibly stressful and demanding, far
more than we could have imagined. And the long commute just added to
that. He was miserable, and I was miserable because he was. But,
since he had relatively secure income again, we went back to trying to get
pregnant. I started charting my basal temperature each day (many of you
have heard of this) to try to help us conceive, but for whatever reason I had a
hard time determining a time that my temperature specifically “dropped.”
My temps were always very erratic and this made me worry that I wasn’t
ovulating properly. So I started using the ovulation predictor kits that
you buy at the store to help us determine the right days each month to
try. At least they did show I was ovulating regularly and help me figure
out when that was happening! But even with our timing being “dead on,” we
continue to not get pregnant. The stress of David’s job, coupled with our
inability to conceive, takes a significant toll on us. I thank God for
His help in sustaining us, our faith, and our marriage at that time, because
things were very tough in all respects sometimes due to all the stress.
We also had to worry that David’s contract with Booz Allen would not be renewed
the following year due to budget cuts. These were 4 ½ VERY long months
for us.
In August of 2011, thanks to the Lord’s grace and goodness,
David got a PERMANENT, FULL TIME position as the Regional Environmental Health
and Safety Manager at LabCorp in Burlington! Praise the Lord!!!
This is only a 25 mile commute East for him from Greensboro (the same as my
commute West each day), which was so much better than what he had been
doing. He starts his job and loves it! Major stress burden
eased!!! Maybe the lower stress will help us get pregnant!
In September 2011, we start to get a little nervous that we
haven’t gotten pregnant yet. We are approaching the 12 month mark of
trying. I won’t go into any details in case there are males reading this (ladies,
you can email me and ask if you’re really curious), but I’ll just say that my
cycles went totally crazy all of the sudden. I KNEW something wasn’t
right, and it had David and I both very concerned, not to mention me feeling
VERY bad physically. I decided to try a new OB/GYN. I was due for
my yearly appointment anyway, and I thought I’d start fresh with a new doctor
to figure out what was going on with me and with our fertility. On the
recommendation of several friends, I call Physicians for Women of Greensboro
(looking back, one of the BEST decisions I’ve ever made!). Dr. Neal was
the first doctor that could get me in, so I set up an appointment with
him. My appointment is set for October, and that will be the official
time mark of the “infertility” definition for us – 12 months with no luck.
On October 25th, 2011, I had my first appointment
with Dr. Neal. David goes with me and we both love our new doctor and
practice (it is a large practice with several doctors). Dr. Neal finds
nothing unusual on his exam, but wants me to have an ultrasound, which they do
there in house, and some blood tests. The ultrasound revealed an ovarian
cyst, which he said was most likely the cause of the cycle issues I was having
at the time. He said he thought it would eventually resolve on its
own. In the meantime, he prescribed me Prometrium, a progesterone, to
help get my cycles back on track. You take it for 12 days and at the end
it causes a “Chemical D & C” (ladies, look it up or ask me if you don’t
know what that is). Hopefully, this will be like a “reset button” for my
body. I took 12 days worth of Prometrium from October 30th-Novemeber
10th, 2011. It makes me terribly mean and moody (poor David!)
and also so sleepy that I was in bed shortly after taking the pill each
night. At the end of 12 days, the chemical D & C happened on
schedule. (This did, by the way, fix my crazy cycles – Dr. Neal knew what
he was talking about!)
On November 16th, 2011, David and I go for my
follow up appointment with Dr. Neal (David has been SO good, going with me to
ALL appointments through the ovarian cyst, infertility testing, and now
pregnancy process!!! What an awesome husband!!!) A 2nd
ultrasound at this appointment shows that the ovarian cyst has resolved, as Dr.
Neal thought it would. Hooray! One less thing to worry about.
He refers me to Dr. Mezer, the fertility specialist in their practice. We
are thrilled about that to hopefully get some answers! Dr. Neal also had
the results of my blood work. They had measured my Prolactin levels (a
hormone) and also done a thyroid count. My Prolactin came back normal,
but my thyroid count was a little off. Dr. Neal recommended I see my
family doctor about that (and thyroid problems CAN cause infertility, so I
wanted to get that check out – I was hoping that would be our answer!)
I got an appointment for the next day, November 17th,
with my family doctor about the thyroid. He did not think the panels were
off enough to be significant and ruled out a serious possibility of
hypothyroidism. He ran a second thyroid panel just to be sure, and after
looking at it he didn’t think I had cause to be concerned. So no answers
there!
On December 6th, 2011, David and I had our first appointment
with fertility specialist Dr. Mezer and his fertility PA, Christi. They
do a full consult and order more blood work on me and also a comprehensive
semenalysis for David to make sure the problem is not with him. Dr. Mezer
also found out about my brother, Jonathan’s, anencephaly and recommended
immediate genetic counseling since we could be at high risk for that.
Really, we left that appointment very down. We knew we’d just have to
wait for more tests to come back, AND we were very nervous about the
possibility of our baby having the same issue Jonathan did. I cried after
this appointment! Not to mention that there is no, no, NO secret of your
private life left unturned at fertility appointments. REALLY, fertility
appointments are NOT for people who embarrass easily. There are certain
aspects of marriage you expect to be just between you and your spouse, but
suddenly you have these strangers of the medical world asking you every
imaginable question. Dr. Mezer and Christi were great, but the
appointment was a bit overwhelming for us for so many reasons. At this
point, I feel like we are at a new low in trying to get pregnant! And one
more thing on the blood work – the fertility testing process requires a LOT of
blood work. A lot. Honestly, between the blood work during that
process and the blood work now that I’m pregnant, I truly feel like a human pin
cushion. Good thing I’m not afraid of needles!
On December 13th, 2011, I have a genetic
counseling appointment with the Maternal-Fetal Medicine Department of Women’s
Hospital in Greensboro. David doesn’t have to go with me to this, since
the genetic issue was on my side, not his. The genetic counselor is very
very nice (and very very expensive, by the way, lol!). She tells me that,
without a higher folic acid dose, our chances of having a baby with anencephaly
are a stunning 1 in 50!!! I am shocked, and a little scared when I heard
this (normal is 1 in 600 or so). But she assured me not to worry, and
that I could mitigate this by upping my folic acid dose to 4mg a day.
Now, for those who think that doesn’t sound like a lot – that’s 10 TIMES what a
normal, non-pregnant woman needs each day! This equates to me taking 10
pills each day, which I start doing immediately. We were not really
expecting birth defects be a big concern, but the fertility journey is full of
(often unpleasant) surprises!
On December 17th, 2011, David has a complete
semenalysis done at his own workplace – LabCorp! We were told they were
the best around for this type of testing. A few days later all of his
test came back 100% normal and great. So we can rule out anything on
David’s end as being an issue in our fertility struggle! Around the same
time, I get the results from my latest round of blood work done by Dr.
Mezer. Anti-thyroid antibodies are normal. 3rd thyroid
panel is normal. Cystic fibrosis carrier screen is negative (meaning
normal). Progesterone levels are normal and in fact shows that I am
ovulating “perfectly.” Blood pregnancy test is negative (of
course). By all indications from these tests, we should be the MOST
fertile couple in history! But still, no baby. VERY
frustrating! Dr. Mezer recommends that the next step be an HSG for me, to
see if my fallopian tubes happen to be blocked, which could cause
infertility. I am not going to go into too much detail on the HSG, but
feel free to look it up. I was totally willing to do it, but also very
nervous because I had read TERRIBLE stories! It’s done without anesthesia
of any sort, and it can be extremely painful (mainly by causing extreme
cramping). I had read stories of women with children that had it done and
said it was WORSE than labor. But, what has to be done has to be done, so
I scheduled the procedure. The one advantage of an HSG is that it tends
to “flush” your tubes out, so you have a higher chance of conceiving in the
three months after it’s done.
On January 9th, 2012, I go for a mandatory
pre-HSG blood pregnancy test at my doctor’s office. The HSG is dangerous
and unnecessary if you happen to be pregnant. I knew I wasn’t, but I had
to go for the test anyway. Surprise surprise, a big fat negative
pregnancy test. On to the HSG!
During this whole time, my grandfather (age 90) has been
diagnosed with a very rapid form of cancer and was given just weeks to
live. He ends up at Wesley Long Hospital in Greensboro, and then at the
hospice facility. Needless to say, this is yet another difficult thing to
content with during an already stressful time. I start taking one of
several doses of antibiotic prescribed to me to ensure that the upcoming HSG
will not cause an infection.
January 12th, 2012, was HSG day! David and
I arrived at Women’s Hospital (where it is done) at 7:30am. I know this
is going to be an unpleasant procedure, and it’s made worse by the fact that,
due to it being done under x-ray radiation, David cannot be in the room with
me. I don’t like to have ANYTHING scary done without David with me, so it
was hard for me to have to leave him in the waiting room. The procedure
is uncomfortable at best, but really not quite as awful as the things I’d
read. Dr. Mezer does a great job. There is one small complication
in the beginning (not Dr. Mezer’s fault, just happened) and he tells me it is
going to make it a little more painful than it would normally be. I do
cry a little during the quick procedure (only takes about 15 minutes), but I
survive! David has to help me to the car because I am very woozy and
lightheaded (they had warned me I may feel this way). He stays with me at
home a while to make sure I’m okay. After lunch, I go back to work, where
I continue to feel yucky the rest of the day. Luckily, the next day I
feel better!
On January 17th, David and I went for our follow
up appointment with Dr. Mezer. The HSG revealed that my uterus and right
tube look great! My left tube, however, looked like it may have a slight
blockage. I had long suspected that I had a degree of endometriosis, due
to some symptoms I have had for years and the fact that my mother had it.
Dr. Mezer thinks it’s probably endometriosis blocking the tube. This
would lower our fertility for sure. He recommends that I set up
laparoscopic surgery (which Dr. Neal, my original doctor there, would do) to
see what’s going on and clear any blockages. Dr. Mezer told me we can
keep trying for the month of January, but he puts me on “ectopic
precautions.” Because of the tube blockages, I am at a higher risk of
ectopic pregnancy. These precautions mean that, if I have ANY symptoms of
an ectopic pregnancy, the ER will see me immediately as that is a medical
emergency.
On January 18th, 2012, David and I started
attending an Infertility Support Group at Women’s Hospital. There are 4
other couples and we get to know their stories. It is nice to have other
people to talk to about this stuff!!! They understand!!! We will
meet with them several times over the upcoming weeks. Two days later, my
grandfather passes away. It’s a sad time for the whole family. It’s
odd to be so sad about that and also to have to think about all these tests and
procedures we are having done!
On January 23rd, I have a consult with Dr. Neal
regarding my surgery. We schedule the surgery for February 7th
at 7:30am at The Surgical Center of Greensboro. It is outpatient, but
will be done under general anesthesia. I will be out of work 2-3 days
afterward. I am excited and not a bit nervous – I’ve always been pretty
brave about surgery, and to me this is a huge step in the right
direction! David is very nervous, on the other hand, because he worries
about me a lot. I’m just ready to get it done! I ask Dr. Neal if we
can still try in the month of February, a week or so after my surgery. He
chuckles and says, “If you feel like up for it, go ahead!” hehe.
On January 26th we decide to take an Early
Pregnant Test to see if the HSG happened to fix the problem. We get TWO
false positives from the brand we were using! Very faint lines, and when
I took more tests later that night there was nothing there. Reading online
later, I find that this brand is notorious for false positives. It feels
like the most absolutely cruel joke EVER had been played on us. To be so
excited for a few hours, only to find out it isn’t true. I’m as
not-pregnant as ever.
On January 30th, 2012, I get a call from an
employee at the Surgical Center of Greensboro to give me pre-op
instructions. Of course, she tells me that I’ll have to take off all
jewelry for the surgery. I explain to her that I’ve never had my wedding
band off, never intend to take it off, and that I am sure they can just simply
tape over it for the surgery (as they have done for other people I know).
She tells me very firmly that it’s up to the doctor and nurses, but I may HAVE
to remove my wedding band. With the stress of missing my grandfather and
our fertility issues, this almost pushes me over the edge. I understand
it’s for my own safely, but if David can’t be in the OR with me (which
obviously he can’t) then I AT LEAST want to be able to wear my wedding band in
there! I am so upset and resolve to myself that, on the day of the
surgery, I will just simply refuse to remove it. Also, around this same
time, I go to Babies R Us to get a shower gift for a friend. The cashier
asks if I have a Babies R Us Rewards card. I tell her no, and she says
“Oh, I guess you don’t buy baby stuff often, huh?” I go to the car and
cry. She had no way of knowing, but still. Things that would never
bother me are bothering me at this point!
On February 3rd, I take ANOTHER home fertility
test kit. FSH is still coming back good. February 7th is
surgery day! Dr. Neal did not find endometriosis in my fallopian tubes,
but he DID find it all over both ovaries. In fact, he found a rather
large “endometrioma cyst” on my left ovary, which we think may have been
pressing down on that left tube and blocking it somewhat. Maybe that will
be our answer! He removes all the endometriosis he can find, but warns us
that it WILL regrow at some point, if we don’t’ get pregnant or go on birth
control (these two things keep it at bay). Frustrating for me because we
can’t seem to get pregnant, and we aren’t going to go on birth control and just
defeat the whole idea of trying to conceive! In any event, I’m only in
surgery about 45 minutes and in recovery an hour and a half. I wake up in
some abdominal pain (I would say a 7 on a scale of 10), but the nurse gives me
extra IV drugs to knock that out. Dr. Neal had told David all about what
he found while I was in recovery, so on our way home David explains to a very
sleepy me how the surgery went. I lay on the couch for 2 days and David
takes wonderful care of me. We watch lots of movies. J VERY easy recover, I have to
say. And guess what, I did NOT have to take off my wedding band for the
surgery! Now we will just wait and see if this surgery was the answer!
On Valentine’s Day, February 14th, 2012, I joke
with David that maybe we will have a Valentine’s Day baby (I’d been taking
ovulation predictor kits, so I knew that was a possibility). Little did I
know how right I’d be!
On February 22nd, we have a long talk and decide
to really change our perspective. God has given us so many gifts, and
there is no reason to let our fertility struggles bog us down so much,
especially when we always have the option of other treatments or
adoption. We resolve to be more positive and focus more on our marriage
and our relationship with God.
On February 27th, 2012 – We get a POSITIVE (not
false positive, REAL positive) pregnancy test! Numerous ones, to be exact!
Looks like my endometriosis was the issue the whole time!!! WOW WOW
WOW!!! You can read more about this experience in my previous “We’re
Pregnant” post!!!!
So there it is in a (rather long) nut shell!!! I have
to say, our fertility journey was one of the hardest journey’s we’ve been
through as a married couple. But the end results is already just so so
worth the struggle!!! We ARE hoping my endometriosis will stay away and
that getting pregnant in the future will be easier for us! I encourage
ANY of you struggling with fertility issues – find me or another friend who has
been there to talk to about it. I know how hard it can be, and I would
love to lend a listening ear. Above it all, remember that God’s timing is
PERFECT! Looking back, David and I wouldn’t trade the “extra” time to
just be married for anything in the world!!!
