Week In Review (Well, sort of!) 3/23/15-3/29/15

"Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot."  ~Dutch Proverb, sometimes attributed to William C. Hazlitt

I did a really, really, really, really pitiful job taking pics for the blog this week.  Early in the week, Joseph and David both came down with some type of upper respiratory infection.  They were both feeling pretty rough for the better half of the week, and in trying to get them both well I really failed to pull out the camera (plus, I'd feel a little crazy snapping lots of blog pictures of my two sick guys).  So, I ended up with ONE photo from the week (told you I did a pitiful job).  On Saturday (after the boys were mostly recovered) our internet went down and, since Time Warner couldn't get out to fix it until late in the afternoon, we went to my parents house so that David could do some school work on their internet.  My dad and Joseph were hanging out on the couch together in their living room, and I snapped this picture so that I could have something to put on the blog!  LOL.  This past week was also my father-in-law's birthday!  It was so fun to call and chat with him and give him birthday wishes.  We love him and hope he had a great time celebrating!!!

 
So, there you basically have our week in a nutshell.  Luckily both my guys are pretty much 100% well now.  Since I don't have any other content to write about this week, I figured I could give a school update on some stuff with Joseph.

Little man now knows all of his colors and all numbers 1-10.  He loves counting things and can count very quickly!  He especially likes to count anytime he walks up steps...he counts the numbers of steps he is climbing.  So cute!  We have begun working on letters now and also have begin working on numbers past 10 (so far we are working on 11, LOL).  He loves to sing and can sing a good bit of the "ABC" song, but certainly not all of it and he doesn't have much letter identification yet when you show him letters.  So we are working on that.  He also loves talking about Jesus and can sing "Jesus Loves Me" in it's entirety.  He can sing the chorus from "10,000 Reasons" which is so cute!  I've loved doing homeschool preschool with him and so much of his learning has really come from "unschooling" times...times in everyday life that I have the opportunity to point things out to him.  I get more and more excited every day about our continuing homeschooling journey!

In other, non-educational related things: When we went to the doctor for his cold this past week he weighed 28 pounds with clothes but no shoes on.  I'm always shocked that he isn't over 30 pounds, because he feels so heavy to me.  According to a calculator I did online, this puts him in about the 31st percentile for weight...quite an increase for a child that hung out in the first percentile the first few months of his life.  He loves eating and eats pretty much nonstop.  Much like his parents, he loves ethnic food.  They say the foods you eat while pregnant and nursing flavor amniotic fluid and breast milk, and so your child often favors those foods later on.  Maybe that's true, because Joseph loves Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Greek, and Mexican food!  We got a good laugh out of him last week because for two days he begged us for "Naan" (Indian bread).  Love my little ethnic kiddo.  He also says some really funny phrases right now...our favorites are "No big deal!" and "Stay cool!"  So fun to hear the things he picks up.

On one sad note, his dairy allergy seems to be getting worse.  We were told by many people that dairy allergies often get either better or worse starting around age 2.  He had an accidental dairy exposure this weekend (totally the result of the two of us just not checking the ingredients on some icing from Whole Foods carefully enough...we felt awful!) and he had hives covering his lower body, the most horrific diaper rash, and a bright red rash on his face.  Poor little guy!  All three of us are basically dairy free now, but we are going to have to be more careful in watching what he eats because even a small bit of dairy accidentally in his diet now doesn't seem to be a good things for him.  

So there's a Joseph update for you!  Hopefully next week I'll have a few more photos to document our week!

Week in Review 3/16/15-3/22/15

"May the road rise up to meet you.  May the wind always be at your back.  May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields.  And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand." -Old Irish Blessing

On Monday, St. Patrick's Day, I awoke with the horror that Joseph didn't have any green clothing in his current size and for the warm weather that day.  Thank goodness for cloth diapers saving the day!  We have quite a few green diapers, so I was able to pick which shade I thought looked most Irish.  (Of course, I had to tell people his diaper was green when they asked "Where is your green little buddy?!")  Cloth diapers save the day again!

While I manage to get quite a few semi-silly pics of Joseph, it's rare that I get a truly ridiculous one.  I thought this one, snapped Tuesday morning, probably qualifies.  Silly boy!

Tuesday afternoon, we went to Winston-Salem to eat lunch with some of my former co-workers from RMIC.  Thanks Jeff, Val, and Benton for meeting us to eat!  Afterward, we went back up to RMIC briefly to walk around and see some of our other friends.  Joseph was spoiled with some candy and quite a few miniature sticky notes, which Joseph thinks are stickers.  I snapped this picture in the elevator as we were leaving, while he proudly displayed his sticky-note collection.

On Saturday we took Joseph to the park - one of our normal spring/summer/fall Saturday activities.  He had a great time swinging and cried like crazy when we had to leave. 

His woe was short-lived, however.  When we got back home, there was a package in the mail addressed to Joseph.  When we opened it, there were two toy airplanes inside!  When we were in Highlands visiting family the week before, Joseph loved playing with his cousins' toy airplanes.  So his Uncle Ben, Aunt Lindsay, and cousins sent him two toy airplanes of his own!!!  He loves them!

On Sunday morning, we had our final IUI.  I am relieved to see our long struggle with secondary infertility coming to a close, and, if we don't get pregnant, I'm excited to see the other ways God may build our family in the future.  It will be a while before we know if this IUI was successful, but I took one last pre-IUI selfie to commemorate the occasion...

I have to give a huge shout out here to Dr. Deaton and the entire staff of Premier Fertility in High Point.  They have been amazing to work with - caring, encouraging, professional.  I would recommend them to ANYONE in the area having trouble getting pregnant.  Although we didn't have any lasting fertility success during our time there, NONE of it was Premier's fault (only my body's, lol).  While our journey may have involved a lot of heartache, they have been so supportive and great.  Dr. Deaton even thanked US for being so fun and easy to work with when we were there Sunday...he is so sweet.  While I will probably never see the inside of this lobby again (and oh my, have I ever seen this lobby a LOT since last June!) I want to say thank you, Premier, for all you have done for us...

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..."

Hope everyone had a great week and is getting to enjoy the warmer weather!

Week in Review 3/9/15-3/15/15

"Mountains are the beginning and the end of all natural scenery." -John Ruskin

The weather really started to get warmer this past week and I'm so excited about it!  Tuesday, we took a walk around the lake in the evening...it was great!

Wednesday morning, I captured a pic of this sweet, squirmy boy waking up from his nap.

Wednesday afternoon, we headed to the mountains for a long weekend with David's family in Highlands.  We had a great time!  We took Joseph to the park, ate delicious food, and did some shopping!  Lots of fun!  Here are some pictures from our trip!






Thursday morning we took Joseph to the Highlands park...

We also took him back in the afternoon, after his nap...

On Friday the weather was pretty cold and rainy, so we hung out in the kids room of the Highlands Library.  Joseph had so much fun with all the books, puzzles, stuffed animals, and the colorful rug!  What a great facility for kids!

On Saturday, we went to the Bascom Art Museum, which is always super cool.  We also got to go in the pottery facilities outside and actually see a potter making something on the wheel.  Very interesting.

We also took Joseph to a larger park just down the mountain in Cashiers.  Despite there being tons of slides, bridges, and climbing toys to play on, he always prefers to stick to the swings.  :-)

I took this picture of Rocky, my in-laws sweet dog, while we were sitting around their house one day.  Can you spot that sweetie among the toys? ;-)

We made several stops on the trip home Sunday (we are big stoppers while traveling).  Joseph enjoyed riding the Snoopy ride at the Marion Walmart...

And running through the grass at a rest area...

One random thing...I realize y'all are going to think I'm totally morbid for blogging about this, so please forgive me.  But when we were at the park in Highlands one day playing, I noticed this plaque hanging up on the fence.  It says "In memory of little Cenda Schweers.  Lost in Highlands, June 1968."  I was curious, so I had to Google the story.  Turns out that Cenda was a 4 year old little girl visiting Highlands with her family in the summer of 1968.  They went to walk down a mountain trail together.  Little Cenda turned back briefly to look at something (innocently it seemed), and when they turned around a few minutes later she was totally gone without a trace.  A 5 day search led to the discovery of her body in a nearby lake in which she had drowned.  Why am I sharing such a terrible story, you ask?  Because stories like this are always a reminder for me of just how vigilant we have to be with watching our children.  I know how easy it is to get distracted, but really, we cannot afford to let them out of our sight for a minute when they are young.  Too much that could go wrong.  This story sent chills up my spine and really made me refocus on thinking about ways to keep Joseph safe when we are out and about.  You cannot be too careful.

Finally, and on a lighter note, I thought I'd share these photos that David took Sunday night after we were back at home.  Joseph asked for a pre-bedtime snack of an apple and splayed across the couch to enjoy it.  Love this sweet, silly boy...

Hope everyone had a great week!  Excited that spring is soon arriving!

What Choice Will I Make?

"Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could ever possibly have." -Dale Carnegie

I wasn't planning on blogging today, but suddenly, heavily, I felt it on my heart to share.  I have tried to share the good, the bad, and the ugly of our journey through primary infertility, secondary infertility and two miscarriages.  So today, I'm going to share a little of the bad...

Sometimes...more often than I would like...I struggle with self-pity.

I know.  I know.  I have one beautiful, healthy, amazing child.  Literally all the wealth on this earth wouldn't even come close to touching what Joseph is worth to me.  My love for him literally takes my breath away.  He is everything I could have wanted in a child...and more.  He is loving, compliant (well, usually), smart, social, and full of life.  The fact that we conceived him, and that he survived his very scary delivery, is a sheer miracle.  If I never have another child in my life, Joseph is enough...way more than enough.  And WAY more than I ever have deserved.  I want to make that clear up front, because if Joseph or anyone else ever thought otherwise, that would destroy me.

But still, I struggle.  You see, even at my youngest, all I really wanted to be in life was a wife and a mommy.  A mommy to LOTS of kids.  We are talking about a little girl who had so many dolls (all properly named and assigned unique personality traits) that an attempt to take a picture of me with all of them as a child nearly failed because, despite them being spread across the couch in multiple rows, the camera lens was barely wide enough to capture them all.  I had some serious maternal instincts, starting around age 2.  Sure, I thought about what careers I would have in the interim, but my life's goal was really just to be the wife of a good, Godly man, and the mommy to as many children as God would bless me with.  So for me to say I never feel sad at my seemingly perpetual inability to a) get pregnant again and b) stay pregnant when I do would be a lie.

This morning was one of those mornings.  Actually, it's been one of those weeks.  I told David last night that I've really dreaded going to bed each night this week.  Every night I've been having dreams that I'm pregnant with another baby.  In those dreams I am so excited that I can seriously hardly contain myself.  And then every morning I wake up, decidedly not-pregnant.  Last night, before going to sleep, I tried to think of everything on earth OTHER than pregnancy.  I thought, maybe if I didn't have it on my brain at all, I wouldn't dream about it.  But this morning, like most others, I awoke from a night full of dreaming of ultrasounds and a growing midsection to realize that I had no ultrasounds on the agenda today and that any growing midsection that exists is just a product of too many late night snacking sessions in the kitchen (hey, infertility stress makes you eat - what can I say?!)

This morning, I started to get into one of my self-pity modes.  They say Satan knows what bugs you the most, and in my case, Satan has the tendency to put numbers in my head - numbers of just how many trials we have gone through to try to have children.

We tried 18 months before I got pregnant with Joseph.  We have been trying 2 years for baby #2.  Satan helps me add those up and starts throwing out those numbers and others from our primary and secondary infertility journeys.  A total of 39 failed cycles since we began trying for Joseph 10 months into our marriage.  39 failed cycles!  39 months that I tried to get pregnant, only to see one line appear on a pregnancy test.  In addition to that are 2 "successful" cycles where we did get pregnant, only to have it end in the physical and emotional pain (the WORST emotional pain of my life) of back-to-back miscarriages.  2 laparoscopies to remove my endometriosis (the root of our inability to conceive).  1 test to confirm that the removal of the endometriosis was really in vain, because the damage it had done to my ovaries was already too great and irreversible.  2 IUIs (with a 3rd soon coming up).  3 HSGs.  13 cycles of oral fertility meds, the last two at the highest allowable dose ("I've never even heard of someone taking a dose that high!" said my primary care physician when I saw her recently).  6 cycles of giving myself injectable meds (praise the Lord I don't have a huge hang up with needles).  The assistance of 2 different reproductive endocrinologists, in addition to my general OB/GYN.  2 ultrasounds a month since last July, just to see what's going on in there.  19 (unless I have miscounted, which is totally possible) ovarian cysts of all different types.  So many blood draws that a nurse recently told me that the scar tissue around my veins looks very similar to that of chemo patients she has seen (God bless them, my struggles seem so, so embarrassingly minor when I compare anything I say to that of someone battling cancer...I almost want to delete this post in it's entirely at the absurdity of that comparison).  Literally thousands (and I do mean thousands) of dollars, which, with me being a stay-at-home-mom, has required our one-income family to do some "creative" budgeting.  And to cap it off, 1 diagnosed stomach ulcer from the stress of it all.

Whew.

So yeah, Satan throws these numbers at me.  He knows it is the best way to make me feel sorry for myself.  Then, just to add a little extra fun, he starts reminding me of the numbers of people I know who didn't WANT to get pregnant, but got pregnant.  So, so, so many.  It doesn't dampen my happiness for any of my pregnant friends, it just makes me think those self-pitying thoughts over and over.  "So and so didn't even WANT a baby, and she had one. My life's dream was 3, or 4, or 5, and I struggled to have 1!"  It's not fair.  I start thinking about those years as a teenager, not knowing that some of the symptoms I was having at 15 were already signs of the disease that would later destroy my fertility.  I think about the birth control pills I took those first 10 months of our marriage, sure that if I missed one we would get pregnant before we intended.  I think about those misconceptions I had.  It's not fair.  I think, and halfway laugh, about the fact that in my case (as in many) my Endometriosis was caused by my body producing too much estrogen.  Estrogen is what makes me female... Being female is supposed to make me able to have more children...and yet, my body chemistry making me " too much of a female" makes me infertile!  It's maddening!  And it's not fair.

That's right.  It's not FAIR.

But God isn't really concerned about what I think is fair, is he?  God isn't concerned about what I think is good for our family right now.  God is concerned about what gives HIM glory.  He is concerned about how I reflect His glory by how I react to all of this.  He isn't a magic genie, waiting to grant whatever wish my heart desires.  Sure, he sees my tears, and he feels my heartache with me, but he also wants to know what I am going to say each month when I stare at that one line on a pregnancy test (because I do try to inject some humor in my heavy posts, if anyone needs clarity on what a negative pregnancy test looks like please ask me because I am SERIOUSLY the expert).  Am I going to say "Poor me.  I cannot get pregnant again.  I'm so sad.  And it isn't fair.  God isn't giving me what I want, and that makes me mad.  I choose to trust in myself, not in you."  Or am I going to say "I trust you, Lord.  I trust YOUR way for building our family - whatever that way may be.  Or, if you choose to NOT build our family further, I trust that, too.  I trust your timing, and I trust your will, and I trust that you are going to show us the way.  I thank you for the amazing blessing of Joseph, Lord.  I know that he is yours, not mine, but I thank you for letting me carry him for 9 months, and to give birth to him, and for letting me be his mommy during our time here on earth.  You have already done far more than I could ask or imagine, and I cannot wait to see what you have planned next."  I have a choice to make every month, and every month I have the opportunity to respond the right way if I choose to do so.

I don't know the reasons that God makes getting (and staying) pregnant so hard for me.  I don't know that I will ever know those reasons on this side of Heaven.  But sometimes I can't help but wonder if one of them is to remind me, in his gentle, loving way, "This isn't about you, Lisa.  I have a plan for your life that will exceed all you could ever plan.  And I have a purpose in your pain."

I'm so thankful for those times that God comes along and reminds me of all of this, right when Satan is trying to give me very different thoughts.  I'm so thankful that my trust is in the Lord, and that HIS voice overrides all others.  I'm so thankful for the way he cares for me.  And I'm so thankful for the amazing blessings that surround me, including the precious little 28 pound miracle that loves cars and trucks and stuffed animals and who calls me mommy.

Friends, we have decided that this month's fertility cycle is our last.  God can do anything in the future that He wills, but, if this final IUI fails, we will be closing the door on OUR active pursuit of more biological children.  The logistics and the physical and emotional struggle of it all have taken such a toll on us.  The fertility drugs I'm on keep me tired and moody.  The bills are mounting.  While part of me would like to go on with interventions, I don't think it's a good option for us at this point.  Still don't have totally certainty on where we will turn from here, but will you pray for our clarity and closure, as we come close to closing this chapter, that my perspective remains that that God would want me to have, and no other.

So grateful to have had the support of so many on this journey, and looking forward to seeing what God does in the future!

Week in Review: 3/2/15 - 3/8/15

"Today you are you!  That is truer than true!  There is no one alive who is you-er than you!" - Dr Seuss

This past week was super busy and I admit I didn't do the best job of taking pictures!  But here are a few snapshots of things we did!

Monday was Dr. Seuss' birthday and so, to celebrate, we read some of our Dr. Seuss books during school time.

On Tuesday, Joseph and I went to buy a few of the seeds we would need for our vegetable garden this summer.  I'm so excited about saving a little money on produce by growing our own!

I love to take random pictures of Joseph throughout the week.  Here he was on Wednesday, coming to let me know he had taken one of his shoes off..

And on the same day, I snapped one of him lounging on the couch to watch The Andy Griffith Show...

On Friday, my mom had her second eye surgery at Southeastern Eye Center.  While David, my dad, Jojo and myself sat in the waiting area while she was in surgery, Joseph became very interested in my phone's "selfie" camera feature.  So of course, we spent some time taking selfies.  LOL.

Towards the end, my dad joined the selfie fun, too!

The three of us (David, Joseph, and myself) have recently developed a little family tradition that we have grown so incredibly attached to.  Friday evenings are our regular grocery-shopping night and, every Friday evening, after we go to Harris Teeter, we also pop next door to Whole Foods for some special treats (along with anything else from our grocery list we may need there).  Every Friday night, David and I get vegan chocolate chip cookies (they are AMAZING) and Joseph gets a sandwich cookie (2 sugar cookies with some cream in the middle).  Since we all three try to limit our sugar the rest of the week, this is our special thing to look forward to.  I seriously think I start looking forward to it each week around Thursday morning!  LOL!  This past week, when we got home from Whole Foods, we gave Joseph his sandwich cookie and he promptly ate it as fast as he could, leaving evidence of the chocolate cream around his mouth...

On Saturday, we went to the Trinity Church Consignment Sale right up the street from our house.  We get the majority of Joseph's clothes from church consignment sales in the spring and fall.  Usually I go on a Friday, alone or with my mom.  But this time we went on Saturday and David got his first consignment sale experience.  I think he's a pretty good-looking consignment Daddy!

We are "substitute" door greeters at our church, meaning that if a regular greeter isn't able to work at their door on a given Sunday, they call us.  We love getting called to greet!  So on Sunday, I wore Joseph while we did our duty.  He had a great time saying "Hello!" and "Good morning friends!" from the comfort of the Boba. :-)

Hope everyone had a great week and is enjoying the warming weather!

Week in Review 2/23/15-3/1/15

"Winter: Days get colder, snow gets whiter, lights get brighter, sweaters get bigger, books get thicker, blankets get larger, chimney gets hotter, snuggling gets nicer, hearts get closer." -Unknown

I didn't get a huge variety of pictures this week, in part because the weather kept us at home much of the time.

On Monday, we celebrated my dad's birthday!  We went over to my grandmother's house to eat dinner with everyone and to do cake and presents.  MOST of the pictures (including the ones of my dad) are on my mom's camera and I don't have them yet.  But at least I got a pic of the cake, and a pic of David and Joseph to verify that we were there, celebrating.  Happy Birthday Daddy!!!

The big story of the week was, of course, the snow!  Our area was predicted to get anywhere from 3-8" from Wednesday night to Thursday morning.  It started for us a little after 9pm Wednesday night and the official total for our part of Greensboro was 6 inches. Beautiful!  David worked from home Thursday, and we used his lunch hour to go play in the snow for a bit!

David checks out the snow while Joseph watches from the door

View from our front porch

Getting Joseph ready in his ski bibs to go play!

Bundled up!

Love these two!!!

Walking down to the lake...Joseph being toted on sled!

The lake near our home

Pretty deep snow for a little guy

And for his mama!

Hanging out in the back yard

 By Saturday, the snow was starting to melt and Joseph was going totally stir crazy!  We don't usually eat out for Saturday lunches (usually we eat out for Saturday dinners instead), but we HAD to get out of the house.  So off we went to Natty Greene's downtown for a delicious lunch.  So much fun!

Saturday evening, after putting Joseph's pajamas on, I ended up chatting on the phone with a friend for about 30 minutes.  I was in the dining room and I knew Joseph and David were in the den, but I had no idea what they were up to.  When I returned to find them, David said they were "eating apples and watching Bubble Guppies."  So precious.

I love snow, but I'm also hoping this week will be a little less eventful weather-wise.  See you next week!!!